I regret being so focused on my career now that my daughter’s dead

DEAR DEIDRE: FORTY years ago, my daughter died and my wife left me. Since then I have lived a life of regret – and I still wish I’d done things differently.

I’m 73 now. We didn’t have a great marriage. We argued all the time, mainly about my job.

I was in the Army and spent many months away on tours of duty or on military exercises.

We had three children, two boys and a girl. My wife constantly complained that she had no help from me in bringing them up.

When my daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumour it was an incredibly distressing time for all of us.

She died when she was 12 and I was allowed home.

It made me realise I should have been with my family more. My wife then took our boys and moved back to her hometown.

I never got over it and never met anyone else. I still feel so sad, especially when I do my shopping and see families out together.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s understandable you still feel upset but there is help available to you, even now.

You shouldn’t feel guilty though about working away, your job meant you could put food on the table. You did your very best.

The death of a child puts a huge strain on a marriage and family life.

I’m sorry the breakdown of your relationship will have been a double blow.

My support packs on Counselling and Bereavement explain where you can find the help you need.