I’m an Arsenal fan and this is the funniest chant I’ve ever heard at a match – and there’s a lot to choose from
MY FIRST visit to Highbury was in 1976.
And I have been attending Arsenal matches fairly regularly since the early 1980s, when my parents finally allowed me to make trip across to North London on my own.
It would be fair to say therefore, that I have heard and sung
hundreds of fabulous and frankly, ingenious terrace originals.
So, when tasked with coming up with a list of the funniest Arsenal chants it should have been relatively easy.
However, many of the songs I may have sung, or perhaps enjoyed in the 1980s, would certainly be deemed unacceptable and in many cases entirely embarrassing today.
Thankfully we are living in a more enlightened
and inclusive era for the beautiful game and football fans are forever inventive.
The source material from our own team’s players – and of course those of the other teams we don’t like – provide us with constant source material and inspiration.
To aid my worsening memory I appealed to the wider Arsenal fanbase on Twitter to jog my grey cells and not surprisingly I was bombarded with classics, old and new, printable and most definitely not printable.
So, here are my top 12 funniest Arsenal original terrace chants,
in no particular order but I have started with my personal favourite.
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1. IN BLACK AND WHITE
It is very hard to beat a timeless classic and particularly when it’s aimed at the old enemy.
It is entirely based on the fact offers Spurs no comeback: “You won the league, in black and white, you won the league, in black and white!”
Simple, funny and true.
2. EDU
A beautifully crafted ode to our current Technical Director, an his, shall we say, delayed Highbury arrival: “Arsene Wenger, he went to Brazil.
“He said he wanted a player with skill. They said to him, we’ve got a player for you.
“He ain’t got a passport and his name’s Edu Edu, Edu, Edu, Edu.”
3. MIND THE STEP
When Tony Adams went up to lift the FA Cup in 1993, shortly after ending up in A&E with 29 stitches in a head wound after falling down some stairs when drunk.
It goes: “When Tone goes up to lift the FA Cup, mind the steps, mind the steps.”
4. HERB
It was a one-off occasion in May 2018 when travelling Arsenal fans, myself among them, made the trip to Huddersfield for Arsene Wenger’s last match as manager.
To mark the historic moment the away support, with a nod to both clubs’ heritage, fabulously conjured this one up: “Herbert Chapman, he left cos you’re s**t!”
5. PORN FLICK
Fan favourites tend to get their own chant fairly swiftly, but few are as good as this one for Manu Petit.
It goes: “He’s blonde, he’s quick, his name’s a porno flick, Emmanuel, Emmanuel!”
6. SECOND-HAND SIERRA
Before Vieira’s Senegal chant, currently being replicated for Fabio, Petit’s midfield partner had this classic, to the Macarena tune.
We sing: “My old man bought a second-hand Sierra. (Who from?) Ooooooh Patrick Vieira.”
7. STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
The nearly team of 2012/13 had a frontline supported wonderfully by Santi Cazorla at 10.
That front three merited this ingenious collective ode: “Podolski to the left of me, Walcott to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle Giroud!”
8. SO BOULD
A stalwart in the famous back four that won two titles in 1989 and 1991.
Steve Bould arrived from Stoke with hair but as his success for the Arsenal grew his hair fell out: “Stevie Bould, Stevie Bould, Stevie Stevie Bould.
“He’s got no hair, but we don’t care Stevie Stevie Bould!”
9. ‘HE’S S**T’
I feel somewhat harsh including this next one, as the player in question is in fact, an Invincible.
But it goes: “He’s bald, he’s s**t, he gets a game when no one’s fit, Pascal Cygan, Pascal Cygan.”
10. LASAGNE
I sense I have gone too long without a Spurs inspired number.
And their capitulation in the last match of the season to open the door for Arsenal to secure Champion’s League football in 2006 deserves inclusion: “Lasagne, whoah Lasagne.
“We laughed ourselves to bits, when Tottenham got the s**ts, whoah lasagne!”
11. SILENCE OF THE FANS
The atmosphere and the inventiveness is superb at the Emirates this season.
But even we Gooners can admit there have been periods since 2006 and indeed even at Highbury when we lost our collective voices.
However, I was reminded that between 2003 and late 2004, in the Invincible campaign and longer unbeaten run, when
opposition fans had the cheek to sing about the Highbury Library.
We had a swift and clever retort: “We only sing when we’re losing.”
12. ONE SONG
I think I will round off with a song, that whilst effectively presented to us on a plate, still makes me smile.
Ah dear old Alex Song: “We’ve only got one Song!”
I know this is far from exhaustive.
But I hope you enjoyed the memories, and the last title leads me neatly to an excellent book on the history of Arsenal terrace chants, “We’ve only got one Song“.
I will leave you with another personal favourite that made the pubs pre-matches but never truly caught on in the stadiums, despite the subject’s heroics at Old Trafford.
To the tune of Carly Simon’s You’re so Vain, for Sylvain Wiltord: “You’re Sylvain, It bet you think this song is about you, don’t you, don’t you!”