I traveled from the UK to Norway for the first time to visit my great-grandfather's grave. I found out that after 20 years gravestones are removed, so we had to go searching for him.

• I traveled from the UK to Norway earlier this year to visit the grave of my great-grandfather. 
• Upon my arrival, I discovered that his gravestone had been removed in 2007 due to damage.
• But I was still able to pay my respects, thanks to the kindness of strangers.

In the last year of my grandfather's life, the only thing he wanted to talk about was Norway. 

My grandpa, Stewart, was born and raised in Glasgow, Scotland, to a Scottish mother and a Norwegian father. His father, Einar Marthinsen, lived in Glasgow for a couple of years but returned to Norway after he and my grandpa's mother separated. He died there in 1987, nine years before I was born. 

Although I never got to meet Einar, I always felt an affection for my Scandinavian heritage. My grandpa had raved about Norway, as he spent time visiting his father there as a teenager. But despite this, I only visited for the first time after he died in October 2022.

My aunt, Penny, accompanied me on the trip in March 2023, and we planned everything in exquisite detail. We spent four days in Oslo, Tønsberg, and Hvasser, a village and island off the coast of Norway where my great-grandfather was buried. We were eager to pay our respects at his grave, and we knew the graveyard's location since my grandmother had kept a newspaper clipping with details about his funeral and burial service at Hvasser Kirke.

But when we arrived, his gravestone was gone. 

A band of strangers helped us find answers

My aunt and I had been traipsing through the graveyard in the pouring rain for the best part of an hour when we encountered Max, an elderly man who helped with our search after we explained that we had traveled from the UK. 

The graveyard was tiny, and there couldn't have been more than 100 graves. Marthinsen is a common last name in Norway, so the name popped up a lot — but there was no Einar Marthinsen.

After the three of us checked each gravestone for the third time, I began to lose hope. Had we been given the wrong information? My aunt had also never visited Norway before, so she was just as confused as I was.

Max took us to a nearby cafe and asked us to wait while he contacted the church's office to ask what had happened to the gravestone. We were touched by his kindness, as neither of us spoke Norwegian. 

As we waited for a church official to call back, Max introduced us to many of the locals in the cafe. He seemed to know every person who wandered through the door, from a middle-aged woman who had recently lost her husband to a father and son who had lived in the area for many years. 

We told each of them our story. Many of them were sympathetic and offered advice, while a friend of Max's who knew the local priest tried to get in touch on our behalf. 

Most gravestones in Norway are removed after 20 years

After about an hour, a church official called back to let us know that my great-grandfather's gravestone had been removed in 2007 as it had been damaged and no relatives had offered to pay for its upkeep. 

While writing this story, I reached out to the Norwegian Ministry of Children and Families, and a spokesperson confirmed that gravestones in Norway are free of charge and are protected for 20 years. After that time, families of the deceased are usually asked to pay for the gravestone, which costs around 180 Norwegian krone, or around $16 per year. 

If the family doesn't pay, the gravestone is usually removed, with the exception of some gravestones that represent a specific history or "have a local distinctive character or are unique," a spokesperson told me. 

This information surprised me, especially as many gravestones in the UK are hundreds of years old and gravestones are typically purchased privately by the family of the deceased.

However, after doing some research, I discovered that gravestone removal happens in the UK too. According to the Scottish Borders Council, the owner of a damaged gravestone is usually given 14 days' notice to have it repaired or removed, and if they don't the council will be entitled to do this for them and the right to use the land will be withheld until the cost of the removal or repair is paid.

We were saddened by the news, especially as we were unaware that such laws existed. As far as we were aware, none of Einar's family in Scotland had been contacted about the gravestone, and my aunt and I had unsuccessfully tried to track down potential living relatives in Norway to find out what they knew. 

But even so, the story has a somewhat happy ending.

The church official sent across a photo of the gravestone that was taken before it was removed, and they also sent the names on the gravestones next to where Einar was buried so we could find him. My aunt and I returned to the graveyard with Max, and we were finally able to pay our respects. 

For a moment it felt like the worst had happened, but we left the graveyard that day feeling elated. We had accomplished what we had set out to do, which never would have been possible without the kindness of strangers.