My married lover is toxic so I’ve come up with an explosive way to end it

DEAR DEIDRE: SHOULD I tell my kinky lover’s wife that he’s cheating on her?

I fear it might be the only way I can escape our toxic relationship.

We’ve been sleeping together for almost three years. I’m 39 and he’s 42. We met on a swingers’ site — and my husband, who is 44, knows all about it.

I have very kinky tastes, which he doesn’t share, so he allows me to indulge them by having sex with other men. It keeps our marriage strong. My lover told me his wife was fine with it too.

At first, I was bowled over by his charm, good looks and voracious sexual appetite.

We had threesomes, foursomes and S&M sex, where I was submissive and he totally dominated me. But then this started to carry over into the rest of our relationship.

He wouldn’t put me down only during sex, he’d do it before and after, calling me names and making me feel worthless, ugly and needy.

I also started to realise he’d lied about his wife. He’d always shower after we had sex, and would never invite me to his home.

We had horrible rows about it, which always ended in amazing make-up sex. I’ve tried to end the relationship several times, but he always pulls me back in.

Now I feel trapped by my lust for him, even though I know he’s bad for me.

I know telling his wife would blow the whole thing up and then it would finally be over.

Part of me thinks she deserves to know what he’s really like, but I don’t want to hurt her.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Love can be as enslaving as any drug, as my support pack Addictive Love explains. And when a relationship is as toxic as yours, the only way to end it is by going cold turkey.

Block him from your phone and social media – from any way he can contact you.

It won’t be easy, but if you stay in touch he will worm his way back into your life – and your bed.

Please don’t tell his wife, just because it would be convenient for you.
Remember she’s the innocent party here.

They need to work through their differences, which they will never do while he’s cheating with you.

Support from a counsellor would be very helpful. Try contacting Relate (relate.org.uk).

Pictures posed by models.