I checked my husband’s washbag and got the shock of my life

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE stumbled across a used pack of Viagra in my husband’s washbag. 

Surely this proves he’s cheating on me, as the only time we are ever intimate is when I instigate sex. 

When I make a move, he’s happy enough to oblige straight away. There is no delay.

But I don’t think he has made a move on me for at least a year. 

I am 51 and my husband is 55. We have been together for 20 years and aside from our slightly frustrating love life, I thought we had a strong relationship. 

I found this Viagra one day while searching for hay fever eye drops.
By chance I checked the little side pocket and inside were two packs.

One had three pills missing, with an expiry date of January this year, and the other pack had two pills gone.

Work takes me away regularly, so he has the opportunity to stray.

I am due to go off for work again soon and now I am dreading it. I feel like as soon as I leave, someone else is going to come sneaking in and have sex with him.

I don’t think he’s ever used the pills with me, so why has he got them? He must be cheating — surely? I am very surprised and hurt by this. I want to say something to him about finding them. 

But he is not good with confrontation and hates any serious conversations about our relationship. And if I’m really honest, I am afraid of what he might say.

I don’t think I am going to be able to forget and let go, and I don’t know which way to turn.

DEIDRE SAYS: I know it looks really suspicious but do not leap to conclusions. You don’t have any proof he is cheating. It is possible he may be using Viagra for his own self pleasure. 

I know he may not want a conversation, but you don’t have to be confrontational or hurl accusations about, especially if his libido is something you have already discussed.

But you will not be able to forget about this, so must raise the subject. Tell him you found the pills when you were looking for medication, in all innocence.

Say you were so surprised, you didn’t say anything, but  would now like him to clear up the mystery. Stay calm but say you are concerned and anxious.

His story will either convince you or not, but it is important to keep an open mind until then.