Tales from the Coffeeshop: Marathon brainstorming and multi-dimensional hot air

THE MILLION-dollar question that nobody has asked and therefore has not been answered is whether the beard will be a permanent feature on the Prez’s boyish face or whether he had given up on shaving for the holiday season?

Mystery surrounds the motives for the growth of facial hair, which is very fashionable these days, but could undermine the prez’s clean-cut image and might not go with the Brylcreemed hair and pointy sideburns that are his personal style.

For now, the beard looks like his government – a work in progress. He may have plans grow it into a long and thick beard, but I suspect that if he persists with it, he would go for the short and groomed variety that would be more presidential.

The only problem I envisage, regardless of the style he chooses, is that it might be a pain in the ass to have to dye the beard so that it matches the colour of his hair. You cannot have a head of jet-black hair and a greying beard, if you are going for a natural look.

AS THERE has been no official explanation for the growth of the beard, our establishment has compiled a list of possible reasons, both national and personal, for Nik II’s decision.

The beard might counter his nice boy looks and give him a more manly and grown-up appearance. He may be bored of shaving every morning, because it could be quite time consuming and niggly to maintain the pointy sideburns – a slip of the razor and the triangle is lost.

He may have decided to follow the fashion and increase his coolness rating, which was not very high. Perhaps, in his dialogue with the citizens, many had asked him to grow a beard and he felt obliged to satisfy public demand. Maybe he wants to be more like Makarios and create a trend – all Paphite presidents are bearded.

It could have religious connotations. He may have vowed, on a visit to a church, that he would not shave until the Cyprob was solved, suggesting that he will grow a very long and thick beard.

THE BRAINSTORMING session at the presidential residence on Troodos was described as ‘marathon,’ and this was no exaggeration. It started at 9am and the ministers were finally released at 11pm, feeling brain-dead after 14 hours of brainstorming. Only those that arrived in this condition did not suffer.

Government spokesman Mini Me said that all ministers presented the action plans for their portfolios which would constitute road maps and will be presented to the public within the framework of government accountability.

He did not say whether the presidential beard had been discussed at the marathon meeting, and whether the gender equality commissioner, who was also present to ensure the action plans were not sexist, expressed misgivings about it because it made the prez look a bit macho.

Mini Me, who sounds increasingly like a PR executive, did say that “the programme of the administration of President of the Republic constitutes his great Social Contract with the citizens, a human-centric, modernising, and multi-dimensional model of government.”

Not even a marathon session of brainstorming that left some of his colleagues brain-dead stifled his ability to produce multi-dimensional hot air.

OVERSEAS Cypriots poured into the island of unbearable heat and humidity for their annual conference, at which our politicians lectured them on the non-developments of the Cyprob which were same as last year and the year before that.

One insider informed us that there was a bit of bickering among the participants. Some of the older members on the executive council disagreed with other members so all the voting was postponed for next year.

The scheduled discussions on the Cyprob were rather acrimonious, with strong disagreements over the line overseas Cypriots should promote. One of these discussions was so heated that the interpreter gave up.

Meanwhile the star of the show for the last 40 years, Philip Christopher was having a dandy time chatting with old buddies and vaping. Christopher has been the president of Pseka – Justice for Cyprus – forever, invariably making big boasts about his clout in the US of A, to the gullible natives of Kyproulla.

In the early 90s he told us that if we gave him a few hundred million bucks, he would get the US to solve the Cyprob but the government, stupidly did not take up his offer.

THE IDOL of the Greek American community, Senator Robert Menendez also had to sit through the deliberations of a session of the diaspora conference, which he addressed, lambasting Turkey’s ‘authoritarian’ president and the continuing occupation.

Christopher had introduced Menendez to the conference as the greatest Philhellene in the history of Hellenism. What irony that the greatest honour we could bestow on the greatest Philhellene in the history of Hellenism was to make him an honorary Paphite and give him the key to the town.

IN THE END, Mother Russia bowed to the diplomatic pressure applied by our illustrious government and condemned Turkish actions in Pyla.

This happened only after a Cyprus News Agency correspondent asked for a comment about the incident from the Russian foreign ministry. Spokeswoman Maria Zakharova said “we have always been against whatever form of violence against UN representatives, be they military, police or political personnel.”

The incident in the buffer zone was no exception she added, without mentioning Turkey. Asked why it had taken Moscow so long to half-heartedly condemn the attack on the UN soldiers, she said, that such matters “were not a road race or a contest.”

SOCIAL sensitivity is spreading. There was a predictable outcry on social media after actor Niovi Charalambous, reported the insensitive treatment she received from state bureaucrats when trying to renew the ID cards of her bedridden parents, who could not go to the government offices themselves.

The civil servant asked her “why do your parents want to have new IDs issued if they are bedridden?” Instead of complaining on social media, she could have answered “because they want to make life difficult for you lazy, overpaid, underworked, entitled, public parasite.”

Her approach worked as the interior minister ordered an investigation which might result in a reprimand of the ageist parasite.

IN THE UK, as in the US, gender issues have taken truly ludicrous dimensions. The absurd excesses are regularly reported in The Telegraph which has become the bastion of anti-wokeness. Two news reports in the last week highlighted the madness that has taken over British society.

At next month’s Liberal Democrat party conference, the party will vote on a proposal that maintains period poverty is an issue that affects “some trans and non-binary people” in addition to biological women, reported The Telegraph.

The document, prepared by LibDem activists said: “Conference notes that…menstruation is not just a women’s issue, and also affects some trans and non-binary people.

“Conference believes that period products are a human right, not a luxury; nobody should experience period poverty; England’s current free period product provision is not fit for purpose; [and] it is in everyone’s interests for stigma around periods to be addressed.”

The British taxpayer will have to pay so that free period products such as sanitary towels and tampons are provided to individuals who do not menstruate so they do not suffer “period poverty.”

The Telegraph reminded that last May the Lib Dem leader Sir Ed Davey said in an interview that a woman can “quite clearly” have a penis.

ANOTHER case, reported by The Telegraph related to a trans woman, who sued the bus company she was working for as driver for ‘gender reassignment discrimination’. Her complaint was that a fellow bus driver called her a ‘wa—er’ (the equivalent of our ma—as’) a swear word that refers to men.

The bus company argued that the swear word could be used against men and women, but the employment tribunal panel that heard case did not agree, reported The Telegraph. The panel was of the view that ‘wa—er’ was “discriminatory because the insult is commonly used in reference to men.”

The Telegraph added: “The swear word is not a gender-neutral term and so using it against someone who has transitioned would constitute a breach of equality laws, the panel concluded. To insult a trans woman without being discriminatory, female-specific slurs should be used instead, the tribunal suggested.”

Not even Monty Python could have come up with such brilliant absurdity.