Harriette Cole: Her dress made me upset, and it didn’t even stick to my wedding theme
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends wore a very revealing dress to my wedding. While I want to be open-minded and understanding of her choices, I couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable and distracted throughout the day.
I even had a few guests ask me if I was upset with how my friend was dressed. I lied and told them it was fine.
I think what offends me the most is the fact that my friend generally dresses very modestly, but she chose my wedding to wear something flashy and revealing. She didn’t even stick to my theme. How do I talk to her about this?
— Disrespectful Outfit
DEAR DISRESPECTFUL OUTFIT: When you and your friend naturally have a debrief about your wedding, talk about everything.
Let her tell you her favorite moments. Enjoy a lively conversation where you go over all of your memories of the day and evening. Decide that you will enjoy the chat you have with her. After all, it is about your big day.
Before the conversation ends, tell her you have a sensitive question to ask her. With her blessing, pose the question about why she chose to wear such a revealing dress at your wedding. Listen for her answer. If she is single, it could be that she thought she might attract a potential partner. That doesn’t make it right, but it could be an explanation.
Be sure to tell her that you found her dress inappropriate for the event and extremely distracting. Don’t belabor the point, though. Just make it and move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to work with a woman who has become big in our industry. Years ago, I hired her to work for me, which definitely helped to launch her career.
Whenever she talks about those days, she chooses to talk about her relationship with our big boss. Never once does she even acknowledge that she worked for or with me. It is as if I don’t even exist.
I’m not a person with a big ego, but this rubs me the wrong way. Should I say something to her about it?
The reason it came up recently is because she is featured in a published story about the company we worked for back in the day, and she basically erased me out of her narrative. I’m hurt by that.
Will saying something to her make any difference?
— Erased
DEAR ERASED: You run the risk of getting your feelings hurt more if you confront her with this reality. My vote would be just to know that this is who she is and let it go.
Obviously, she has chosen to write you out of her story. That’s not kind or thoughtful, but it doesn’t seem like she’s planning to write you in now.
That said, if you feel you must say something, next time you are in her company, you can ask her why she chooses not to mention the fact that you hired her or that she worked for you during those years. I feel certain that her response will not be satisfying to you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.