In Retrospect, Hiring Macbeth as Our Tinned Soup Ambassador Was a Bad Idea

Dear valued customers,

Here at Weird Sisters Soups & Brines, our top priority has always been to prepare nourishing, ready-to-eat soups, enjoyable alone or with the whole clan. After a long day with kinsmen slaughtering foes in an odorous peat bog, there’s nothing like returning to the sod hut and forgetting all your toils and troubles over a bubbling bowl of Weird Sisters Soup. Filled with the eye of newt and chunks of frog toes our customers have come to savor, our soups are always sure to beguile you.

But we at Weird Sisters also understand that we have a responsibility to adhere to the values of society, even when that society consists of grown men running around disguised as forests. While our soups do include blood from a sow that hath eaten her nine farrow, Weird Sisters strongly condemns bloodshed in principle and treachery generally.

With this in mind, we would like to offer our sincere regret for having retained Macbeth as our company spokeslord.

We first hailed Lord Macbeth as the face of Weird Sisters Soups after he, with brandish’d steel, carv’d out his passage against our foes. When thence King Duncan bestowed upon Macbeth a new title, we immediately seized upon a golden marketing opportunity by signing him as: “Macbeth, Thane of Chowdor.”

In our defense, Macbeth’s taste for beheading was limited at the time to rebels from Western Isles and Norweyan lords, which tracked positively among clansmen 18–32.

Despite the suspicious and rather murder-y death of King Duncan, we saw no warning signs that Macbeth, now himself king, was in any way unstable. Thus, screwing our courage to the sticking place and investing heavily in billboards, we furthered our alliance by rolling out our limited-edition Weird Sisters Soup—Macbroth.

It should be pointed out that, throughout what, in retrospect, was a campaign of conspiracy and murder, Macbeth continued to meet his contractual obligations in a professional manner. In fact, Macbeth was integral in the creative process and was helpful in providing such content as “Is this a ladle I see before me? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, I sup on soup!” and “Whenever my soul is too much charg’d with blood, I relax with a steaming bowl of Weird Sisters’ Gall of Goat, now with even more nose of Turk!”

Was the slogan “M’m! M’m! Dead!” going too far? We realize now it was, and we regret this decision to capitalize on Macbeth’s increasing notoriety and insatiable bloodlust. We could find excuses by saying we have eaten on the insane root that takes the reason prisoner, but in truth, we were thrilled by skyrocketing brand recognition for Banquo Bisque.

We realize now that this was not in keeping with our company’s core values. Rest assured, we have listened to our customers and severed ties with Macbeth, much as Macbeth’s head hath lately severed ties with his body.

Furthermore, we are proud to announce that Weird Sisters Soups has established the Macduff Family Foundation for Not Murdering Brethren and Their Bairns.

We look forward to putting this tragedy behind us, and we hope our loyal customers will continue to enjoy such new Weird Sisters offerings as Malcolm Minestrone and Hot-and-Siward Soup.

Weird Sisters Soups & Brines: By the pricking of our thumbs, something wicked good this way comes!