Harriette Cole: Now that she has a lot of money, she sees us differently
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends recently landed a new job that pays significantly better than the positions held by the rest of our friend group.
While I’m genuinely happy for her success, her behavior since starting this job has been a cause for concern. Ever since she got this job, she’s developed an air of superiority.
She frequently makes comments that imply she’s better than the rest of us because of her higher salary. Whether it’s subtle remarks about our career choices or comparisons of our lifestyles, her attitude has become increasingly condescending.
This change in her demeanor has started to create tension within our circle. Some of our friends have expressed feeling hurt or offended by her comments.
How can I approach my friend about her behavior without causing further strain on our relationship? I want to communicate that while I’m happy about her accomplishments, her words and actions are making it difficult for me to enjoy our time together.
— Snooty Friend
DEAR SNOOTY FRIEND: Don’t sugarcoat your conversation with your friend. Be direct.
Tell her that her behavior has changed since she got her new job, and you find it offensive. Explain that while you are happy for her success, you are shocked that she would behave in a demeaning way to you and your other friends as a result.
Give her examples of things she has said and done and how you and the others have reacted to her behavior. Tell her that you do not appreciate her condescending words and attitude, and you think she owes all of you an apology.
DEAR HARRIETTE: It has become a recurring pattern for my brother to borrow money from me with promises of repayment that are never fulfilled.
Despite setting timelines for him to pay me back, he consistently fails to honor his commitments.
I’m aware of his financial struggles, and this clouds my judgment and makes me overlook his responsibility as I care for the well-being of my nieces. This situation puts me in a tight spot, too, but I find myself unable to refuse his requests.
The cycle continues, and I’m growing weary of this ongoing situation and lack of accountability.
— Dependent Brother
DEAR DEPENDENT BROTHER: I see two clear choices for you. Choice 1: Stop giving your brother money, and let him figure out how to take care of his children and himself another way. Do not succumb to his requests, and explain why when he asks you. Be crystal clear in your explanation so that he understands the impact of his irresponsibility on your relationship.
Choice 2: Decide that you will continue to help your brother, but do not make it a loan. Give him what you can afford to share with no strings attached. In this way, you can still help his children, but you are relieved of the burden of waiting for something that your brother may never be able to give.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.