Harriette Cole: She was mean to me, and now she wants my help getting a job

But what I hear about her personal life makes me feel some empathy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I used to go to school with contacted me the other day and asked if I could help her secure a job at the company I work for.

While normally I would be more than happy to help a former classmate, this woman was not particularly nice to me during our time in school. I can’t help but feel hesitant about using my professional connections to assist someone who did not treat me kindly in the past.

However, I also heard through the grapevine that this woman is currently going through a divorce. I don’t know any of the details surrounding her situation, but I do know how difficult it can be to navigate the job market during tough times. I feel a pang of empathy for someone who might be struggling.

What would you recommend I do in this situation?

— Former Classmate

DEAR FORMER CLASSMATE: It is fine to have empathy, but don’t forget the past.

Find out if you can meet up with this woman to talk to her, either in person or on a video chat. It would be great to see her face when you talk.

Ask her about her life. See what she chooses to divulge. Find out her qualifications. If you are to connect her with your employer, you want to make sure that she is a viable candidate. Your reputation will be on the line when you make that connection.

But before connecting her, bring up the elephant in the room. Remind her that when you knew each other in school, she was unkind to you. Tell her you are surprised that she would reach out, but since she has, you think this past behavior needs to be addressed before you move forward.

Make her accountable for her actions. How she responds to all of it should determine whether you open the door for her potential entry into your company.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine owns a beauty brand and has yet to develop makeup colors that would suit people with darker skin tones. My friend wants me to support and promote her brand, but as a woman of color, her brand does not cater to my needs. I cannot fully partake in what her beauty brand offers.

I feel torn because on one hand, I want to support my friend’s business, but on the other hand, I cannot use her makeup, which simply does not suit my skin tone.

Furthermore, I am hesitant to recommend the brand to my friends and colleagues due to the lack of shade options.

What advice can you offer me on how to communicate this with my friend? How can I politely explain my perspective without damaging our relationship?

— Be Inclusive

BE INCLUSIVE: The best gift you have to offer her is your candor.

Tell your friend that you are proud of her for starting this makeup brand but that you see a glaring omission — a lack of diversity of shades. Point out that we live in an era of inclusivity, which makes it especially noticeable that her line is not representative of darker skin tones, including your own.

Tell her what you told me: You would love to support her, but you cannot wear her makeup because she didn’t make a shade for you.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.