Husband lied about finishing his affair

DEAR DEIDRE: Forgiving my husband for his sexual affair wasn’t easy but after months of rebuilding the trust I finally felt we were back on track – but I have discovered they never stopped having sex.

He’d gone above and beyond to reassure me but the only thing that changed was I thought they had finished.

I’m 38, my husband is 42 and we’ve been married for nine years. We have two daughters together, one is two and the other is five. 

He often worked late and at weekends so it took me almost a year to realise something was amiss. 

When I found out, he begged for forgiveness and promised he would end their relationship. 

While I believed him, I was completely heartbroken and asked for a temporary separation. 

For weeks he grovelled until one day I finally agreed to give our relationship another chance. 

Since then I thought we were working hard together to fix our marriage.

Then out of nowhere, I received a phone call from this other woman. 

I was so shocked I nearly hung up but then she told me nothing had changed – they were still having sex regularly and he’d even told her we were separated. She even sent me screenshots of their text messages to prove it.

I confronted him but he lied, saying they were just talking and I was the only one he wanted.

Now I don’t know what to do and I’m struggling to see a way forward. 

The last thing I want is to break up our family but I can’t trust him.

DEIDRE SAYS: You do deserve better treatment than this.

While many relationships can overcome infidelity, your husband has shown multiple times that he cannot be trusted.

Worryingly he is still lying despite concrete evidence that has betrayed you again. Unless he is willing to be honest, there is no way you will be able to heal from this affair.

If he is willing to tell the truth, he then also needs to show real regret for his behaviour and dedication to convincing you he loves you and wants to turn things around.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you think it all through. Either together, or alone, some counselling would help you You can find support through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).

If you do decide to end your relationship, my support pack Thinking Of Divorce will help you pick up the pieces.