An Excerpt from Donald Trump Jr.’s Testimony Before the House Intelligence Committee
“Donald Trump Jr. on Wednesday cited attorney-client privilege to avoid telling lawmakers about a conversation he had with his father, President Donald Trump, after news broke this summer that the younger Trump — and top campaign brass — had met with Russia-connected individuals in Trump Tower during the 2016 campaign.” — Politico, 12/7/17
HOUSE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE: We’re aware that you had a meeting with Russian officials in Trump Tower during the presidential campaign. Following that meeting, you spoke with your father to let him know what had taken place. Can you please tell us what you told him at that time?
DONALD TRUMP JR.: It wasn’t me.
HIC: We have it on good authority that you were present. Are you trying to say—
TRUMP JR.: I plead the First Amendment.
HIC: Freedom of speech? Mr. Trump, you may speak freely here—
TRUMP JR.: In that case I think we should break for lunch and go to Taco Bell.
HIC: Sir, we just started this hearing. It’s not time for lunch.
TRUMP JR.: Star Trek then. I plead the Star Trek thing.
HIC: …
TRUMP JR.: I think it’s like “do no harm” and stuff.
HIC: The Hippocratic Oath?
TRUMP JR.: No, I have hunted hippos and they can’t talk. I mean the Star Trek thing.
HIC (conferring): Okay, we’re hearing you might be referring to the Prime Directive but that refers to alien planets in a fictional world on a television show and can not be used to avoid testifying to this panel.
TRUMP JR.: I’d like to phone a friend.
HIC: Right, about that friend that you phoned following your meeting, tell us what was said.
TRUMP JR.: OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE!
HIC: That won’t work here, Mr. Trump.
TRUMP JR.: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.
HIC: That would be treason, sir.
TRUMP JR.: Jinx — buy me a coke!
HIC: No.
TRUMP JR.: The power of Christ compels you.
HIC: No.
TRUMP JR.: I invoke my droit du seigneur.
HIC: Um, no.
TRUMP JR.: Wonder twin powers activate! Form of: invisible!
HIC: No.
TRUMP JR.: I claim sanctuary.
HIC: This is not a church and we are not in the middle ages.
TRUMP JR.: I plead not guilty!
HIC: We asked—
TRUMP JR.: I plead insanity!
HIC: No… well, actually… that’s probably not far off.
TRUMP JR.: House rules! Everyone who’s not a junior has to chug!
HIC: No.
TRUMP JR.: Double jeopardy.
HIC: No.
TRUMP JR.: Double indemnity.
HIC: No.
TRUMP JR.: Doublemint gum.
HIC: No.
TRUMP JR.: In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous.
HIC: Okay, now that’s just Law and Order: SVU.
TRUMP JR.: Attorney client privilege!
HIC: But you’re not an attorney…. I don’t even know… honestly, just, yeah, okay, sure, yep, that’s fine, you got it. The committee will now break for lunch.
TRUMP JR.: Yo quiero Taco Bell!