Aly Raisman published a powerful statement about her abuse she wasn’t allowed to read in court
This is a powerful read.
Olympic gold medalist Aly Raisman showed bravery that transcended sports when she told her story of sexual abuse at the hands of former USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar, as part of the #MeToo movement and in her book Fierce. On Thursday she went further, publishing the statement she prepared to read in court during Nassar’s trial, which was ultimately denied by the judge.
Raisman explains that she was given the opportunity to submit a “Victim Impact Statement,” which would be considered as a part of Nassar’s sentencing. Typically survivors are given the opportunity to read these aloud in court, if they so desire. However, Raisman was denied this opportunity — despite the fact that Nassar was given an opportunity to read his own.
Raisman wanted to show that she was strong, and tell the world that Nassar’s abuse does not define her. She wasn’t given that chance.
Now Raisman has posted her statement in The Players’ Tribune, in a piece title “This Is Survival.” Below are several powerful excerpts from what she planned to read in court.
“Larry was the USA Gymnastics national team doctor and the U.S. Olympic Team doctor. He was trusted by so many and took advantage of countless athletes, and their families. The effects of his actions are far-reaching, since abuse goes way beyond the moment, often haunting survivors for the rest of their lives, making it difficult for them to trust others, and impacting their relationships. It is all the more devastating when such abuse comes at the hand of such a highly respected doctor, since it leaves victims questioning the organizations — and even the medical profession itself — upon which so many rely.”
Raisman went on to explain how Nassar’s actions have made her day-to-day life difficult, and at times fearful.
“And because of you, I now have a hard time trusting other people. When I go to the doctor, especially a male doctor, I am scared and uncomfortable. Even if that doctor is recommended as the best, I am skeptical because I was told you were the best, and you certainly weren’t. I am afraid that another doctor will mistreat me and abuse his power like you did. In turn, I feel guilty that I harbor these doubts and suspicions.”
Raisman described how the focus and dedication it takes to be an athlete became a barrier. She explained how dealing with the stress of international competition and the expectations of a nation made her numb and tunnel-visioned, which made things worse when her Olympic experience was over and she returned to normal life.
“After this experience, I decided I needed to allow myself to feel what I had been suppressing for so long. I had spent so much time and energy trying to block out all the pain and trauma, and I realized it was just too much for me to contain. It was the most difficult period in my life. I was exhausted, barely able to do things I loved. I had no energy. I felt sad, anxious and confused. I couldn’t understand how someone could be so evil. And, painfully, Larry and his actions made me hate gymnastics for a time. Larry, you made me feel so uncomfortable and sad, and you made me believe the sport had let me down.”
The shared trauma of abuse has made Raisman’s close friendships become distant, all because of Nassar’s abuse. Raisman said the following of a USA Gymnastics teammate.
“One of my best friends is also a victim of Larry — or a survivor, as I prefer to say. I thought we would be friends forever because we had gone through the best and worst moments together. But I think I remind her too much of what Larry did to us, and our friendship has suffered. Abuse isn’t something you can just bring up with anyone, and I often wonder if I ever will find anyone like her who gets me so well and knows just what to say to make me feel better.”
Raisman closed by asking the court to punish Nassar as severely as the legal system would allow. Not just to make him pay for the pain he caused through his abuse, but to send a message to other abusers that they cannot get away with their crimes.
“I ask that you give Larry the strongest possible sentence (which his actions deserve), for by doing so, you will send a message to him and to other abusers that they cannot get away with their horrible crimes, that they will be exposed for the evil they are, and they will be punished to the maximum extent of the law. Maybe knowing that Larry is being held accountable for his abuse will help me and the other survivors feel less alone, like we’re being heard, and open up pathways for healing.”
Dr. Larry Nassar was sentenced to the maximum of 60 years in prison on Thursday.