14 reasons you're not getting over your ex — even if they were totally wrong for you

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Walking away from a meaningful relationship is always going to be difficult. When it wasn't your decision, a break up can be even harder.

But no two situations are exactly the same. Sometimes, people are oblivious that their partner is unhappy in their relationship, whereas in other cases, there are tensions bubbling under the surface for a long time before things reach a breaking point.

If you've ever been through a break up, you'll know it took a while to feel like yourself again. It's one of the most traumatic things that can happen in our adult lives — but we still embark on new relationships, because the pay-off is worth it despite the risks.

When something threatens our connections, primal feelings can fire up, and a break up can feel so devastating thanks to how we're wired both biologically and psychologically.

Here are 14 reasons it's so hard to let go, even if the relationship was totally wrong for you in the first place.

1. You're lonely.

Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge.

"Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself," she said. "Get back into hobbies you used to do, treat yourself to something that makes you happy, and get back in touch with friends who you haven't seen in a while. It's much better to be single than to be with the wrong person."

2. You see their social media.

Immediately after a break up, you're likely to still be connected to each other on social media. Ettin said this isn't a good idea.

"Unblock, unfriend, un-everything," she said. "In this case, ignorance is bliss. Online stalking can get out of hand. Don't do it."

In time, you may be able to be friends. But don't try to rush it. If you're meant to be in each other's lives, it will happen naturally. So don't worry about burning bridges — look after yourself first.

3. You lost confidence during the relationship.

If you were with someone who was bad for you, your confidence may have taken quite a knock while you were together.

"Sometimes in the wrong relationship, your confidence can be taken down a step, especially if your partner put you down or otherwise didn't appreciate the amazing person you are," said Ettin. "Then, after taking you down, getting their validation was even more special. So you're craving that validation. Now it's time to look inward for that validation."

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