The Workman's Friend (A Pint of Plain) - Flann O'Brien

When things go wrong and will not come right,Though you do the best you can,When life looks black as the hour of night -A pint of plain is your only man.

When money's tight and hard to getAnd your horse has also ran,When all you have is a heap of debt -A pint of plain is your only man.

When health is bad and your heart feels strange,And your face is pale and wan,When doctors say you need a change,A pint of plain is your only man.

When food is scarce and your larder bareAnd no rashers grease your pan,When hunger grows as your meals are rare -A pint of plain is your only man.

In time of trouble and lousey strife,You have still got a darling planYou still can turn to a brighter life -A pint of plain is your only man.

-- Flann O'Brien (Brian O'Nolan)