We might have Justice Brett Kavanaugh already if Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) hadn't been accosted in the elevator by two sexual assault survivors on Friday, Stephen Colbert recounted on Monday's Late Show. "Didn't he read the congressional safety sign? 'In case of protest, take the stairs.'" Afterward, Flake dramatically huddled in a phone booth with another senator to hatch a plan to postpone Kavanaugh's confirmation pending a short FBI investigation. "Jeff Flake may have gone into that phone booth as Clark Kent," Colbert said, "but he came out as Clark Kent who is retiring from the Senate so it's okay if he stands up to Donald Trump."
The FBI investigation was originally very narrow, but President Trump partially reversed course, Colbert said, "so now the FBI can talk to some of Brett's buddies at Yale who remember Kavanaugh's drinking a little differently than he does. Because — first of all, drinking, who cares? A lot of people drink," he said, pointing at himself. "But Kavanaugh specifically told the Senate under oath that he was not a blackout drinker," something his former classmates, like Chad Ludington, dispute. "Oh, when you've lost Chad, it can't be long until you lose Brad and Tad...."
"Kavanaugh also fudged some other facts," Colbert said, listing a few. But Trump stood by him in a press conference on Monday, saying he felt bad for "all parties." "Especially the Republican Party, because this midterms, they're gonna get boofed," Colbert said, inadvertently prompting a spontaneous "boofed!" chant. Trump also claimed he saw a Democratic senator in a "very bad situation" — "How bad a situation?" Colbert asked in Trump voice. "Well, let's put it this way: I was there. That's never a good sign" — and asked America to imagine how much worse he would be if he drank alcohol. Colbert tried, and failed. "No, I can't — I can't imagine you being any worse." Watch below.
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