Should I tell my girlfriend about the serial cheating now we’re back together?

DEAR DEIDRE: I CHEATED endlessly on my girlfriend after getting trashed on drink and drugs. It was meaningless sex but I feel so guilty now. Should I confess?

We’d been together for a year when I landed a new job. It was a brilliant opportunity, involving lots of travel selling all over the world, but very intense.

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I started feeling lonely when I went travelling with work so I cheated on my girlfriend…a lot[/caption]

I was away three-quarters of the time. I’m 28 and my girlfriend is 26. The nights were lonely. I’d drink to oblivion and got into some dodgy situations via my drug use.

About six months in, I had sex with a girl I met in a bar. I was wasted and hated myself afterwards. I vowed that I would drink less and never cheat again.

But a couple of months later I messed up again — then again and again. I’d get ruined and wake up in someone else’s bed.

I knew I had a serious drink problem. I told my girlfriend we needed a break but didn’t explain why.

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It just started as drinking to fill the time but then I turned to drugs and got into some sticky situations[/caption]

She was broken-hearted and kept asking what she had done wrong. I gave up that job and this summer I really hit rock bottom.

For a month my drinking and drug use reached new levels and I slept around — a lot.

But I did get a grip on myself and cleaned up my act. I’ve now got a new job which doesn’t involve any travel.

After I’d been sober for a month, I got in touch with my girlfriend. She is such a lovely and loyal girl. We’re back together.

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I felt so guilty I broke up with her but now we’re back together and I’m not sure whether I should confess[/caption]

I was honest about all the cheating I’d done while we were on the break, which upset her. She’d not had sex with anyone else while we were apart, as she was still reeling from the break-up.

But I didn’t admit to how unfaithful I was while we were together. I love this woman and realise I can’t be without her.

I feel like I need to come clean. I am sick of holding on to all this guilt.

Most likely, confessing would destroy everything. But I am sick of being selfish and feel I need to give her a fair choice.

DEIDRE SAYS: Beating yourself up achieves nothing. Nor will telling your girlfriend.

It might ease your conscience but would land her with a whole load of misery and solve nothing. Best to keep this to yourself if you value your relationship and want to stay together.

The cheating didn’t just happen. You did it because you were drunk and under the influence of drugs.

What is most important is to learn from this, stay sober and promise yourself there will be no repeat.

Forgive yourself but accept responsibility for what happened. Make sure your relationship is as fulfilling as you can make it.

My e-leaflet Feeling Guilty? will help you move on.

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