Brooklyn Nine-Nine: 10 Funniest Foodie Moments From Boyle, Ranked
Each character on Brooklyn Nine-Nine has their schtick, from Jake's obsession with Die Hard to Amy's pride in being a nerd. Detective Charles Boyle, Jake's best friend, is known as the precinct foodie. His love of food makes for excellent comedy among the group, as his tastes are not what many think food should be.
Boyle's passion for food sometimes falls into manic territory, scaring his friends and colleagues. It also alienates him at times from those who want to support his hobby. No matter what though, everyone always loves him. Here are the 10 funniest foodie moments with Boyle, ranked.
10 That's Not What Stew Is
After getting shot in the line of duty, the nine-nine welcomes Boyle back by allowing him all his quirks and eccentricities without any teasing. This includes eating a meal of his choosing for lunch. He brings them a strange stew that Gina thinks they accidentally put a stone in.
His response: "That's the best part of the stew. Think of it as marrow-nougat wrapped in a thick toenail." It's enough to gross anyone out, but his friends' loyalty to allow the injured Boyle his moment is admirable.
9 Freudian Sausages
Boyle treats Jake to lunch at a Hungarian restaurant that serves a specialty dish called tal ezer kolbasz. He explains it's a dish made entirely of sausages, to which Jake replies with a sound of disgust. Boyle clarifies that it is a symbol of manhood, at which point Jake says, "Oh, should've saved the yuck for that."
But Charles brushes off the moment, unaware of how strange his friend finds another culture's food customs. It illustrates the open mind Boyle has for other people's beliefs and values.
8 The Woman on the Olive Oil Bottle
When Jake hits it off with defense attorney Sophia Perez (Eva Longoria) at one of their cases, Boyle describes her beauty like that of the woman on an olive oil bottle. Anyone who knows Boyle knows that is a high compliment, as he means she is very pretty.
Of course, the opinion changes once they realize she's a defense attorney, a cop's worst enemy. He immediately reprimands his best friend for falling for her. Using one of his best compliments for a defense attorney has to hurt.
7 Ranking Sal's Pizza at the Bottom for Mouth Feel
Charles sends out a weekly bulletin email ranking the local New York pizzeria using a carefully crafted food rating system based on 12 points. Jake argues that Sal's is an institution but Boyle is adamant that it's only the eighth-best in town, ranking seventh in mouthfeel.
When Jake incredulously asks what is mouthfeel, Boyle responds in his usual inappropriate fashion: "The inside of your cheeks are very sensitive. It's like the inside of your thighs except with a tongue." Ridiculous though it may be, Boyle's pizza ranking helps crack the arson case among the pizzerias.
6 Habanero Frosting for His Wedding Cake
As Jake joins Charles for a wedding cake tasting for his upcoming nuptials to Vivian Ludley, Boyle delves into his sex life with his best friend, a moment only the quirky foodie wants to partake in. Desperate to turn the conversation to another topic, Jake takes a bite of the cake closest to him only to spit it out, as it is spicy.
Charles reveals it's a habanero pepper frosting because their marriage, "Is going to sizzle!" Boyle takes his friend's silence as a sign that it's a bad idea, but Jake remains loyal.
5 Drowning His Sorrows
Some people eat a pint of ice cream when they're depressed. Others binge on raw cookie dough to get rid of the blues. Charles Boyle drowns his sorrows in takoyaki. When Boyle hits it off with a woman in the courthouse he thinks he's found the woman of his dreams, only to find she is on trial for art theft.
Jake thinks his friend is eating donut holes and reaches for one but immediately backs away when Boyle reveals what they are: octopus balls. Only Boyle could lament his troubles this way.
4 Hard-Boiled Eggs for a Breakup
When Boyle and Vivian break off their engagement, the food-obsessed detective becomes too depressed to enjoy anything. He resorts to eating meals of only bland, hard-boiled eggs out of a bag, as he doesn't see the point of enjoying taste without love.
He's so heartbroken that he takes a bite out of his food that is now only for sustenance and pockets the rest of the egg in his jacket. Jake feels so bad he just says, "Smart. Save that for later." It's a low moment for the foodie.
3 Food Truck Freak Out
Boyle finally brings his passion to the forefront and opens a food truck with Amy's help in the investment. But he turns out to be a nightmare boss. He hires a cook to help him at the food truck while he works at the precinct, but the employee quits after only a day as Charles yells every time he gets things wrong.
Amy and Gina volunteer to help but Boyle screams at them, too. He wants perfection so desperately it turns him into a monster chef.
2 Schooling Gina and Rosa on Real Pie
Gina and Rosa argue about which is the best pie in New York and turn to Boyle for his expertise. They both bring him a pie from their favorite shops and have him taste each one. Boyle tells Gina her pie is all bells and whistles with terrible crust while Rosa's favorite pie is inedible.
He brings them a pie from Argos Bakery, a shop founded in 1910 that's never changed their recipe. They admit he's right and he screams, "You just graduated pie school, b****es...sorry I said b****es, I got so worked up."
1 Teaching Holt to Cook for His Anniversary With Kevin
Captain Holt asks Boyle to help him learn to cook breakfast for Kevin for their anniversary. Boyle is honored and spends the whole episode trying to impress on his captain the importance of food in emotional connections. But it's a hard lesson as Holt is not prone to sentimentality and considers food only a necessity.
In a moment of pure rage when trying to show him the proper way to scramble eggs, Boyle takes the captain's spatula and kicks him out of his makeshift kitchen.