I want to split from my husband for my first love but I don’t want to hurt our child
DEAR DEIDRE: I CHEATED on my partner and had the best sex ever with my first love, but I don’t want to destroy my daughter’s life by being selfish and going with my heart.
I feel so torn. I met my first love when I was 15 and he was 18. We dated for two years and then he met another girl and I was heartbroken.
Within months, I met my present partner and a year later we moved in together. Our little girl was born 18 months ago, and she is the best thing to happen to me.
I am so excited about her experiencing Christmas this year.
But my relationship with my partner has always been rocky and I no longer trust him. I am now 20 and he is 23.
He has cheated on me a number of times and lies just trip off his tongue.
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I have not loved him since our daughter was born. He says having the baby has ruined my body.
We talked recently and agree that we would not still be together if I’d not got pregnant.
He sits gaming all evening, ignoring me, and doesn’t even notice that I am sat smiling at the texts my first love is sending me.
A few weeks ago I found an excuse to get away for the weekend, by saying I was going with an old school friend.
She covered for me and my husband took our daughter to his parents.
I had the most amazing weekend with my first love and the sex was incredible.
He is 21, charming and kind and I realise my feelings for him never stopped. I get butterflies every time we speak.
My first love says he knows that being with me includes my daughter and he’s fine about that but knows I won’t rush into anything.
I don’t want to hurt my partner and I am terrified splitting up will destroy my daughter’s life.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Children thrive in a loving home.
When parents are warring or there is no love left between them, they pick up on it, feel insecure and get distorted ideas of love.
It is still possible to be good parents and both play an active role in your child’s life even if you part.
Don’t let this situation run on long term. Better to end your relationship, if possible on good terms, and agree on future parenting.
Your present partner will always be her dad even if you and your first love eventually become a family.
Do take your time before you rush into committing again.
You are vulnerable because you are so unhappy with your partner and you need to be sure your first love is also the right guy for the future.
He did let you down once before.
That will also give you and your daughter time to settle into a changed routine.
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