Dear Abby: My fiancee says sex with co-worker is just blowing off steam

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are in our early 50s. We dated for two years and have been engaged for three months. She’s a wonderful lady, and I can’t imagine life without her.

I knew she was bi-curious a year ago when she told me one of her married female co-workers was flirting with her and she kind of enjoyed it. Since then, their relationship has grown, and they get together every couple of weeks for intimacy in our home. They have even asked me to join them, which I haven’t done yet.

My fiancee insists she isn’t a lesbian or bisexual and what she and her friend are doing is innocent fun, but I’m not so sure. So far, I haven’t made an issue of it and go to bed at my usual time when her friend visits so they can have their fun. But have I opened Pandora’s box by being so agreeable?

She promises no romantic feelings are involved, that her friend is no threat to our relationship and the two of them are just blowing off steam. Our love life is great, and she says nothing can replace us in the bedroom. Should I continue to look the other way? Or is this a fork in the road that could lead to a life of “anything goes”?

CONFOUNDED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONFOUNDED: This is not happening because you “allowed” it. It is happening because this is what your fiancee feels she needs. Not knowing her, I can’t predict where she is on a Kinsey scale — a 1 being entirely heterosexual and a 10 being entirely homosexual. At this point, I don’t think she can either.

Unless you are comfortable with the idea of living this way, I urge you to have a very long engagement because it is anybody’s guess how this will turn out. The three of you are all consenting adults, so I won’t judge. (I can’t help but wonder if the spouse of your fiancee’s lover knows about the steam they are blowing off.)

I must, however, point out that if a traditional, monogamous marriage is what you want, your fiancee may not be the lady for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15, and in my job I work with some of my cousins and siblings. There are other people, too. I make friends easily because I can talk to everyone.

Everyone I work with says I’m flirting with two guys who are just my friends. I don’t want people to think I’m flirting because I’m not. How can I convince people that we are just friends and nothing more?

FRIENDLY TEEN IN IDAHO

DEAR TEEN: The individuals who are accusing you of flirting may be teasing you to get a reaction. Or, they may be trying to point out something important that you should keep in mind when you are working. Working with someone is different from hanging out. The relationships are a little more formal (and serious) than in a social environment away from the job.

This will not be your only venture into the workforce, and when you are a little older, you will realize that rules discouraging personal relationships between co-workers, both written and unwritten, are put in place to protect you and the business. So rather than work on convincing “people” that you’re not flirting, be your friendly self but in a more professional way.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.