Is Your Child Practicing the Recorder, or Are Winged Harpies from the Seventh Circle of Hell Tormenting You from Within Your Own Home?
1. What was once a beautiful creature has suddenly transformed into a vicious, cruel monster with lovely hair.
2. Its presence makes all living creatures flee in terror.
3. This agent of destructive winds conceived hundreds of years ago does not care about your feelings.
4. As payment for your sins you will be driven to the Furies.
5. What first began as a minor nuisance, crescendos into an eardrum-shattering screech unlike anything found in nature.
6. The shrill, piercing songs have become a fitting dirge for your grief/insanity and occasionally resonate with your internal screams of rage.
7. If you don’t do something soon, your soul and all the glass windows in your house will shatter.
8. Karma’s muse is hounding you for that time you ruthlessly murdered a colony of slugs with salt.
9. The powers that be insist that the painful, merciless torture continue even as all involved cry in anguish and constant disappointment.
10. Just think of how accomplished and resilient you will feel if you survive this experience.
11. Despite the auditory torture, you continue to praise and encourage, because to not do so may result in your being reduced to an even lower circle of hell than the one you’re already in.
12. The depraved shrieks will not cease until they have taken all that is sacred to you first.
13. Every morning you think today will be different, but it isn’t, and that is just the definition of insanity, isn’t it?
14. Look on the bright side: when the infernal racket stops, “Baby Shark” won’t seem so bad.
Your child practicing the recorder: 1-14
Harpies tormenting you from within your own home: 1-14