Stephen Colbert wants to interview Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen, sentient testicles

Nicki Minaj claiming her cousin’s friend got swollen testicles because of the coronavirus vaccine — and that the cousin’s friend’s fiancée called off the wedding as a result — is one of the funniest things to happen in months. It made global headlines as misinformation about the vaccine continues to cause major issues. In the aftermath of broad criticism and comedy, Minaj has given a master class in tweeting through it, continuing to post stuff that extends the crisis and makes people even madder at her. Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles have now become a multi-day news story that Stephen Colbert focused his monologue on for two nights in a row. 

On night two of what “The Late Show” is calling #SuperBalls, Colbert talked about Minaj’s reaction to night one of #SuperBalls, which included a parody of her hit song “Super Bass” with lyrics about her cousin’s friend’s swollen testes. Minaj tweeted about the bit, writing that she never said her cousin’s friend’s bulging scrotum was the reason she was hesitant to get vaccinated, and that she would say “smthng” mean about the woman singing the parody but she “rlly” likes Colbert. 

I never cited that as a reason I didn’t get vaccinated. The lie is so funny/entertaining tho. I’d say smthng mean to this lady but I rlly like Stephen Colbert. #SuperBalls https://t.co/DyvAXq40Mc

— Nicki Minaj (@NICKIMINAJ) September 15, 2021

“Nicki, for the record, I rlly like you too,” Colbert said. “That’s why I want you to get vaccinated, so you can come on the show again. Because without a shot, the network rlly won’t let you come on.” 

The health minister of Trinidad, where Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend lives, debunked his claim, saying that “there is absolutely no such reported side effect or adverse event of testicular swelling in Trinidad,” or anywhere else in the world. 

“Sir, are you calling Nicki Minaj a liar?” Colbert said. “Because to do that takes some really big – wait a second! Now I know why he’s hiding behind that giant table!” 

Minaj did get support from Fox News pot-stirrer Tucker Carlson, though. Carlson — who has not said whether he’s been vaccinated, although more than 90 percent of Fox staffers are — is one of America’s most prominent advocates of “the vaccine is a personal choice.” He praised Minaj for not letting social pressure influence her decision-making over the vaccine, even though he got some of the facts wrong when initially reporting on the story, which meant he had to issue a correction clarifying that it was Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend who said his balls swelled up after getting vaccinated, not Nicki Minaj’s cousin. 

“I’m glad to see that Fox News has finally come to terms with some of its dangerous misstatements,” Colbert said, “and this time it’s not the trivial stuff like, ‘Was the election stolen?’ or ‘Should I huff horse medicine?’” 

Carlson put out the offer to Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend or the friend’s former fiancée to come on the show and tell their side of the story, and he would even come to Trinidad to do the interview.

“That’s right, Tucker is willing to go anywhere to get the important stories,” Colbert said. “It reminds me of when Walter Cronkite went to Vietnam to interview Jimi Hendrix’s cousin’s friend, who claimed the polio vaccine gave him a micro-taint.”

Colbert joked that he doesn’t want to waste time talking to the people involved, he wants to interview the balls, “which at this point one assumes are now so large they’ve become self-aware and have the power of speech.” So Colbert offered to travel to Trinidad or any other beautiful vacation destination in the world to talk to “Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s giant balls,” because he “just wants us to hang.” 

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