I ditched married name when I divorced & Louise Redknapp should – it’s an awkward reminder of failed marriage
SINCE ex-footballer Jamie Redknapp remarried last week, people wondered if his ex-wife, singer Louise Redknapp, should give up the surname.
Jamie wed Frida Andersson and she changed her surname, meaning there are now two Mrs Redknapps.
Louise had told You magazine: “First and foremost, my kids are Redknapps.
“I don’t want to turn up at a school function and have a different second name to my children.
“Those little things mean a lot to me.”
Alex Hollywood, 57, married to GBBO’s Paul Hollywood until 2019, and Samantha Brick, 50, who split from her first husband in her 30s, give their views on whether divorced women should lose their married name.
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No – says chef and food writer Alex Hollywood
DURING any divorce, in among the usual process of divvying up CD collections, sets of tea mugs and custody of the dog, for many women there is also the potentially thorny question of what to do with your married name, if like me, you took your husband’s.
It’s a decision that can take an enormous amount of careful thought — and is one that men, in general, don’t have to worry about.
There are so many pros and cons for changing your name when you get married. I decided to take my ex’s name long before he was a “face” on TV.
Like many women in the same position, I had felt it made us into a little unit, especially when we had our son.
But fast forward 23 years, post-divorce and I’m occasionally asked: “Why don’t you give the name back?” rather like those CDs or that old crockery.
The simple answer is that I kept my name primarily because it is also my son’s.
Divorce creates enough upheaval for children, and he had asked me if I “had” to change my name.
To do so would have felt as if I were divorcing him too. I’m very proud of my son and I see no reason why we should have different surnames.
In addition, apart from the logistical nightmare of changing my name by deed poll and scrapping my identity to start again with new bank accounts, passport and everything else, I also had to take into consideration that I have written as Alex Hollywood for over two decades and published books and recipes under that name.
Furthermore, most of my closest friends and work associates have only ever known me as Alex Hollywood.
Most of my closest friends and work associates have only ever known me as Alex Hollywood.
Alex Hollywood
I’m 57 now and it’s been my moniker for almost half my life. Would I really want to press reset and start from scratch?
Every divorce is different and I’m fortunate to have come out of mine stronger as a woman and happier as a person.
Others may take the opposite view and have good reasons to want to distance themselves from their exes, throwing out the name along with everything else.
Yet as I work in the same industry and have had a high-profile divorce, most people would eventually work out who I had previously been married to.
You’d only have to visit Google.
And finally, I am no longer the girl I used to be. I took the name and I made it my own.
It smacks a little of sexism to suggest I have to “give back” a name, rather like a used car log book or old frying pan.
It’s a name I’ve grown into over decades. It’s who I am and I’m very comfortable with that.
Yes – says writer Samantha Brick
WHEN I filed for my divorce in my early 30s I was gutted things hadn’t worked out. We’d grown apart and weren’t making one another happy.
In going back to my single life, it never once occurred to me to keep my rings or my married surname. After all, I was no longer a Mrs.
I can’t understand why Louise Redknapp hasn’t done the same. It’s more than a bit awks now that there are two Mrs Redknapps — talk about confusing.
I didn’t want to have to fill out “divorced” on paperwork and I am sure Louise cringes when she does so too. That’s why I reclaimed my “single” status.
What better way to do it than revert to the woman I was before that wedding band was slipped onto the third finger on my left hand?
I was no longer sharing a bed with my ex — why on earth would I keep his name?
Looking back, it was the right decision. I genuinely reckon I’d have found it harder to get over the split if I hadn’t reverted to the name I relished using during my single years.
I’d had doubts about taking on a different surname from the get-go.
I ummed and ahhed and asked my dad’s advice. He was shocked I was even contemplating not doing so.
I was 30 then. I weighed things up — I was going into the marriage assuming it would be for ever.
No surprise then that just like my parents’ generation I went ahead to make the groom (and my dad) happy. Even though it didn’t really sit right with me.
Romance and tradition won the day.
When our marriage ended, changing back to Brick was one of the first things I did.
Samantha Brick
And when I got hitched, the moment I said “I do” I lost my name and true identity.
When our marriage ended, changing back to Brick was one of the first things I did.
In doing so I became ME again.
No longer being referred to as “Mrs” helped to redefine my single self. It was a win for my peace of mind too.
Who wants their married name called out at the doctor’s or to be reminded of it on an airline ticket
Yet it ended up being a bigger faff than sorting out our divorce.
Deed polls, bank accounts, email addresses, you name it. Talk about making life hard for us women.
That’s why I understand why so many women stick with their marital title.
But to close the chapter on a marriage that hasn’t worked out, a name change is a must.
I get why women who are mums want the same surname as their kids. But they grow up. This is about our emotional wellbeing.
How on earth can you move on and find YOU again if you still have that constant daily reminder of a marriage that didn’t work out?