I need to dump my lover because he’s a sad swinger that uses me for sex
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE realised my long-term lover is a sad and ageing swinger who turns me off. But I don’t know how to end our relationship.
I met this guy ten years ago, when I was very unhappily married.
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My then husband and I were sleeping in separate rooms and had agreed to stay together only until our two children — a girl and a boy — were old enough to leave home.
I was miserable and ended up being prescribed anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants by my doctor.
Then I met my lover, who is now 62, on a night out with a friend.
He seemed the opposite of my dull husband. He drank too much, took recreational drugs and loved to wine and dine me.
We would meet in posh hotels. It was a passionate and exciting affair — at first.
But he always wanted to try new things, like threesomes.
I think, because I was so heavily tranquilised, I played along to please him.
Two years ago, my kids finally left home and my husband and I divorced. I got my own place, plus a new job — which I love — and I was finally off the prescription drugs.
I genuinely thought after all that time in each other’s lives, my lover and I would start having a proper relationship.
But I soon found out he was cheating on me with other women and lying about it. He made it quite clear he only wanted me for booty calls.
Now I’m clear-headed, I can see him for what he is: A balding, sixty-something pathetic man who can’t get it up without Viagra.
Even though we have been having sex for ten years, it has always been on his terms.
And I finally understand that he doesn’t know me — unmedicated me — at all.
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I’m 56 and want so much more from life.
I know I need to give him the heave-ho, but how?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Breaking a habit, even an unhealthy one that is making you unhappy, is not easy.
Your lover has become a bad habit. You do not like him or respect him, and he uses you for sex.
You were strong enough to come off the prescription drugs, so you are strong enough to end things with him.
Change is scary but telling him where to go will open up your life to meeting someone who makes you happy. Or you might have fun being single for a while.
You stayed with your husband for too long. Do not make that mistake again.
My support packs Addictive Love and Ending A Relationship should help you to finish this.