The joy and heartbreak of a daughter’s first crush
“Mom, there’s something I want to tell you,” she said as we were cuddled in bed together, a nighttime routine that has probably outlasted its lifespan seeing that my daughter is now 9, but I can’t resist and so it continues.
I always get the best stories out of her right as she’s falling asleep. It’s probably manipulative so she can stay up longer but I’m a sucker for it and she knows.
“What’s that Nellie?”
“I have a crush on someone!”
Her cheeks flushed and her body wiggled in excitement, pulling the covers this way and that. It’s a neighborhood friend, a boy she’s known over the years.
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just told you that!” she squealed.
I laughed and told her I knew this day would come, despite my futile efforts to prevent her from growing up. She giggled and laughed uncontrollably as she told me about his beautiful eyes and his long flowing hair, then said, “Mom I feel so out of control!”
“Yes, love makes you have really strong emotions, but at some point, we do need to go to sleep.”
She tried to quiet down, her breathing started to even out and just when I think I may have won the bedtime battle, her body started heaving. I realizes she’s crying. She softly whimpered.
“I just remembered that he’s going to be gone for a week! I’m going to miss him so much!”
She rolled over and turned to me, her overtired face streaked with tears. And that’s when it hit me — we’re in a new stage of parenting.
I eventually calmed her down and told her that, yes, love makes you feel strong emotions but we still need to try to control those emotions. And then I told of my first crush, the elusive Matthew Endsworth from fourth grade, and how debilitating and strange to feel a feeling you’ve never experienced before. But I was shy so it was easy to hide my feelings, since that is what shy people are good at.
My frequent dopey gazes and sly inescapable smiles must’ve made him notice something. One day, he marched into my class, unannounced, with a giant paper sign that he bravely displayed, holding it above his head, with the words, “I Love Allison Kegley” painted on it.
Not only did he return my feelings of love, he had interrupted class in doing so! What a brave and valiant man, er, boy. His actions landed him in detention, but, like I said, love makes you have strong emotions.
From that day on, we talked a bit at recess and told everyone we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I guessed that boyfriends and girlfriends just talked occasionally, and that seemed like a good arrangement. He even brought me a flower or two, surreptitiously picked along the walk to school no doubt, judging from their freshness and ripped stems.
I had a permanent smile and a family of butterflies that had made my stomach their residence. Life was grand. Until I got “The Call.” About a week into this new budding romance, my strapping young boyfriend called me to tell me we were breaking up. After I hung up, my heart sank and I cried for hours. It felt like the world was ending — how could I possibly live another day?
Yet I did. And now I have to help Nellie guide these turbulent waters, a part of parenting that is new and foreign. To help her, I need to remember the joys and pains from when I started this journey myself. Poor thing. Love is amazing. It can cause feelings of elation you didn’t think were possible, but it can also bring you down to the depths of sorrow.
I don’t know what will happen with my daughter and where she will go on this newly discovered journey. All I know is that I saved that poster that Matthew made for me for way too many years, along with some of the dried flowers he picked. I guess, as with most things in life, we have to hold on to the highs, and let the lows fade away.
Thank you Matthew for your act of bravery, your courage to show your love, and your utter lack and respect for education for that one minute of your fourth-grade career. Your sign lived on in my dresser drawer until I moved out and went to college. You’ll always be a bit of a legend to me. Thank you for helping me guide my daughter through this weird world of love. I just hope you’ve gotten better at breaking up with women. Dumping them over the phone is a bad idea, no matter how many flowers you bring them.
Allison Kegley is a San Rafael resident. IJ readers are invited to share their stories of love, dating, parenting, marriage, friendship and other experiences for our How It Is column, which runs Tuesdays in the Lifestyles section. All stories must not have been published in part or in its entirety previously. Send your stories of no more than 600 words to lifestyles@marinij.com. Please write How It Is in the subject line. The IJ reserves the right to edit them for publication. Please include your full name, address and a daytime phone number.