I visited this refuge centre in Leeds twice a week – they helped rebuild my life, reveals Mel B
TEA in hand, Spice Girl Mel B gossips with a group of mums while their children play happily nearby.
Subjects include the England Lionesses’ spectacular Euros win and one little girl’s excitement over a visit from the tooth fairy.
Mel looks so at ease she could be sitting in her own living room — but she is in fact on a visit to a Women’s Aid domestic abuse refuge in her hometown of Leeds.
It coincides with the launch of Speak Out Against Domestic Abuse, a joint campaign between The Sun and charity Women’s Aid to highlight how we can all play our part.
Mel, 47, has been regularly dropping in to see residents at the shelter since walking out on her marriage to US TV producer Stephen Belafonte in 2017.
In her book Brutally Honest the following year she wrote about the coercive control she suffered in the relationship.
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Mel credits the support workers at the refuge — which at one point she was visiting twice a week — with helping her rebuild her life.
Today the singer, who earlier this year received an MBE for her work as patron of Women’s Aid, is there to highlight the crippling pressure refuges up and down the country face with the cost-of-living crisis.
The Sun can reveal shocking new figures that show how rising bills are having a dangerous double-whammy effect.
Not only have costs for refuges more than tripled, increasing numbers of women feel trapped in abusive relationships because they worry about the cost of running a household alone.
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In a survey by Women’s Aid, 96 per cent of women that have suffered abuse in the last year said the cost-of-living crisis had a negative impact on their financial situation.
And for 73 per cent of them, the crisis had prevented them from leaving or made it much harder to do so.
More than half of women still living in abusive relationships said their partners had used increased concerns about finances as a tool of coercive control.
Mel said: “We know already that it often takes seven of eight attempts to leave an abusive relationship.
“It is already such a struggle to leave, but when you are more fearful than ever about money, it makes it ten times harder.”
As a child, Mel lived not far from the shelter she now visits and used to play in the street with children who had found sanctuary there with their mothers.
She said: “I grew up on a council estate, my dad worked 24/7 in a factory and my mum worked three jobs to pay the bills. I know what it is for money to be tight.
“And for women fleeing abusive relationships the financial side is a huge burden. By coming somewhere like here they can take that first step. But we need to support these places, which are so important.”
Women’s Aid is calling on the Home Office to offer an Emergency Support Fund For Survivors to offset the impact of the cost-of-living crisis. Nik Peasgood, chief executive of Leeds Women’s Aid, explained the alarming reality of the situation.
She said: “The sharp rises in costs are really scary. Our residents pay us a very modest charge, which includes all their bills and council tax and which often comes out of housing benefit.
“But our bills, like gas and electricity, are shooting up by three times. We can’t pass those costs on to residents as they can’t afford it.
“And the time families are living here is getting longer and longer because it will be such a shock to move out and suddenly be faced with the cost of running a household.”
If you know someone in your life who you fear might be going through this it is so important they know they can talk about it.
Mel B
Women’s Aid chief executive Farah Nazeer told The Sun: “The current cost-of-living crisis has been devastating to survivors of domestic abuse.
“We know that domestic abuse and economic abuse go hand in hand, with abusers often controlling every aspect of a woman’s life.
“The soaring energy and food costs will leave many women more vulnerable to abuse.”
One resident, a mother of four, tells Mel that even though she has found safety at the shelter from an abusive husband, she is struggling to see how she will be able to forge an independent future.
She said: “Last week I thought about packing my bags and going back to him.
“This place has offered me safety but I currently have no job. I dream of having my own place but at the moment I just can’t see how that will happen.
“The worst part is he always told me, ‘You won’t survive on your own, you have no job, no money’, and at the moment I feel like he is being proven right.”
As well as backing the Speak Out Against Domestic Abuse campaign, Mel is also pushing for additional reforms.
This includes calling for funding provided in the Victims Bill, currently going though parliament, to be used to offer counselling to women who have fled abuse.
I have always spoken out because I believe it is so important.
Mel B
She said: “I still suffer PTSD — if a door slams I jump. Or the other day I was at a showbiz event and I jumped out of my skin at the sound of a cork popping.”
During her visit Mel is met by a friendly face who has popped in to say hello.
It is Women’s Aid worker Sam, who offered her support when she first left her marriage.
Mel said: “I was coming twice a week and chatting about everything with Sam. It was so valuable to me.
“When you come out of a relationship where you have had control taken away from you and you have been cut off from your family and lost your voice, it helps you relearn everything again and build back your confidence.
“And it is still an ongoing process. The women I meet and chat to here, their stories are my story. It is a very healing place.”
Indeed, among the darkness, there are real stories of hope.
Mel recognises an Armenian woman who she met on her first ever visit to the centre.
After a four-year wait, she has finally secured her own home.
Mel also meets a Greek resident who had lived in the UK for more than ten years trapped in an abusive relationship.
She tells the singer: “He didn’t allow me to learn English, because if I couldn’t speak the language, how could I ask for help?
“Since living here I have learned English. A previous resident, who is a driving instructor, has taught me to drive and now I have a job in a coffee shop. I would love to own my own coffee shop one day.”
Some judges and court officials just don’t understand enough about the realities of living with abuse and how difficult it is to leave. The system can be crushing.
Mel B
Mel is also pushing for the Victims Bill to make provision for regular training of court officials and judges.
She said: “I have navigated the court system myself and it can be an absolute nightmare and can feel stacked towards the perpetrator.
“Some judges and court officials just don’t understand enough about the realities of living with abuse and how difficult it is to leave. The system can be crushing.”
Mel also wants issues like coercive control and abuse within relationships taught in schools.
She said: “It can start even in the teenage years with a boyfriend policing what a girl is doing on her phone. We need to be talking about what coercive control looks like.”
And she is keen that everyone understands more about the signs of abuse and what they can do.
She said: “In many ways domestic abuse is still a taboo issue.
“It is not just a ‘women’s issue’, it is for men and everyone.
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“If you know someone in your life who you fear might be going through this it is so important they know they can talk about it.
“I have always spoken out because I believe it is so important.”
Need Help?
- womensaid.org.uk Offers a range of services including The Survivor’s Handbook and Survivors’ Forum. Live Chat 8am-6pm weekdays, 10am-6pm weekends.
- Or call 0808 2000 247 – The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge).
Mel B's Charter
- All survivors like me, need access to counselling and community support. The Victims Bill should include a legal commitment to funding.
- Public services must be safe places that understand domestic abuse. Housing providers, judiciary, NHS staff, police and financial services should get mandatory training.
- Prevent abuse with education on healthy relationships. It should begin in schools using resources like Women’s Aid’s Expect Respect pack.