DEA Continues To Be The QAnon Of Drug Enforcement, Pretends Colorful Fentanyl Is Dealers Trying To Kill Children

Some DEA agent field-tested sidewalk chalk and managed to arrive at this conclusion:

Rainbow fentanyl is being sold in multiple forms, according to the DEA, including as pills, powder and blocks that resemble sidewalk chalk.

This is from The Hill’s stenography of DEA bullshit, which doesn’t even remain consistent over the course of the six sentences that make up the first four paragraphs of this “report.”

Sidewalk chalk is a weird comparison. The DEA claims this is something used to target children, who we all know routinely ingest sidewalk chalk. The most likely explanation for this resemblance is its resemblance in unpackaged-for-retail-sale form, which just happens to resemble something other than uncut drugs. This photo is from the DEA’s alarmist announcement on its own site:

I guess that looks like sidewalk chalk. Or at least the remnants of sidewalk chalk, after a bit of hard outdoor use. What it actually looks like is a bunch of stuff the DEA seized and one agent said, “It kinda looks like sidewalk chalk,” and the DEA PR wing ran with it.

But what it doesn’t look like is “candy,” which the DEA insists this new wave of kid-targeting fentanyl also looks like:

The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) said it has observed an “alarming” trend of brightly-colored fentanyl made to look like candy that is being used to attract children and young people.

Anyone who thinks sidewalk chalk also looks like candy probably eats glue and paint chips. Now, this could mean the DEA has seen other fentanyl that looks like candy. But if it has, it hasn’t provided any photographic evidence of fentanyl that resembles any candy kids are likely to eat. Even this photo (again, from the DEA’s site) shows something that looks like medicine, rather than something most kids would voluntarily ingest.

I’m trying to think of any candy I’ve consumed in my life that includes score lines and mg designations. Medications come in plenty of colors, but no one has ever accused drug manufacturers of targeting children just because the ibuprofen caplets I buy are a very bright orange.

So, it’s both sidewalk chalk and candy, even though it’s neither and barely resembles either example the DEA provides. The Hill report also cites an unfounded claim that likely originates from similarly ignorant law enforcement agencies:

While some reports have claimed that different colors indicate differing levels of potency, laboratory testing has not found a correlation.

Despite there being no evidence drug dealers are trying to kill minors with powerful synthetic opioids, the DEA insists this is a thing that’s actually happening.

“Rainbow fentanyl — fentanyl pills and powder that come in a variety of bright colors, shapes, and sizes — is a deliberate effort by drug traffickers to drive addiction amongst kids and young adults,” DEA Administrator Anne Milgram said in a statement.

The DEA and multiple law enforcement agencies consider fentanyl so dangerous it’s possibly harmful to be observed in its resting state by the naked eye, so it’s kind of jarring to hear the DEA claiming sidewalk chalk/candy is only being used to “drive addiction” rather than “convert kids to corpses.”

The thing about drug dealing is it works best if you remain under the radar, free of enhanced interest and/or a trail of corpses. Sure, drug dealers may not care much about the health or well-being of their customers. But they are not in the business of decreasing demand by rolling the OD dice. They’ll sell you what they want but they’re not looking to rack up a bunch of felony murder charges by pursuing the youth market. One, kids are unpredictable and unlikely to use products in a way that won’t kill them. Two, kids just don’t have that much money. More stable sources of income can be found elsewhere.

The narrative the DEA is pushing here is, at best, cognitively dissonant. The DEA wants us to believe dealers are pushing drugs on children, hoping to create lifelong customers. But it also wants us to believe the market being pursued is filled with kids who will overdose because they decided to eat something that looks like sidewalk chalk. It’s Schrodinger’s OD: the theoretical child is either alive or dead, depending of which part of the DEA statement we choose to focus on.

The best way to keep kids safe is to provide them with actual facts about drugs, side effects, and the strong possibility their chosen substance has been cut with harmful substances. A blend of hyperbole and paranoia just makes everyone stupider and far more susceptible to being harmed when experimenting with illicit substances. Pretending kids won’t eventually try drugs is delusional. Pretending dumb shit like this DEA press release will keep kids from trying drugs is even stupider. If the DEA truly wants to keep more people alive, it needs to stop presenting its hysteria as informational.