Major League Baseball is Failing Gay Athletes

On April 15, 1947 Jackie Robinson debuted for the Brooklyn Dodgers becoming the first African-American to play in Major League Baseball (at least since the "Gentlemen's Agreement" started by Cap Anson was formed at the turn of the 20th century). Jackie faced racism, virulent hate, constant death threats, and indifference from his own teammates. Despite this Robinson persevered and started the slow process to change the game. Major League Baseball rightly honors this momentous change by retiring Jackie Robinson’s number (42) throughout the league, honoring the day it occurred on April 15th and other measures.

Jackie Robinson’s triumph spread beyond baseball: many Civil Rights movement leaders view Jackie Robinson as a launch point for the greater movement for equality throughout the United States. Jackie Robinson stood by Martin Luther King, Jr. when he gave his impassioned "I Have a Dream" speech on the foot of the Abraham Lincoln Memorial, and Robinson was a crucial part of the Civil Rights movement itself. In short, baseball can stand tall in working towards equality in the United States. This, to be clear, does not absolve baseball of its own history with racism, but shows that baseball carries the capacity to change from within and impact change throughout society. Needless to say I think baseball is failing to live up to its values and history today.

I am gay, and I married my husband this past February with dozens of family and friends with us to celebrate the occasion. I am blessed to feel the same love and compassion that all humans yearn for everyday, and thanks to the Supreme Court decision Obergefell v. Hodges my marriage carries the same weight as everyone else’s.

Which is why when Congress recently passed the Respect for Marriage Act, sending the bill to the President’s desk to become law I was overjoyed. The law is imperfect, but it ensures that my marriage will be respected regardless of what individual states or the Supreme Court may do in the future. For gay men like me it is a cause for celebration. The law also excited former MLB pitcher TJ House.

TJ House was a pitcher for the Cleveland Indians from 2014-2016, and unfortunately he never really got it going. He spent another season in Toronto before finally retiring. But TJ House had a secret: he is gay. Like many gay men House did not want to be gay, did not choose to be gay; and instead of facing his sexuality chose to lock it away. I can empathize with TJ: I went though the same process. But TJ overcame it and came out to the world in a moving social media post which I want to quote in full:

Love.

It’s a simple word, one that carries much weight and meaning. Each of us defines love in a different way, but at the core we all just want to feel the same. To be loved by someone who only wants the best for you, walking the trials of life side by side. Some say we choose who we love as if love doesn't pop out of the darkest corner of your life, when you least expect it, and throws you into a magical spell that pulls you out of loneliness.

I’ve struggled my entire life with being comfortable in my own skin. I have purposefully distanced myself from people for the sake of trying to protect myself. It’s disheartening how one simple thing can change an individual's opinion of you in a matter of seconds. It has taken me years to wake up every morning and tell myself that you are loved for you, the one that’s deep down inside that you’ve never truly let out.

I’ve been loved my whole life for what I did as a career, and it carried me for the longest time. Eventually though, it’s a bandage that covers a wound that needs fresh air to heal. You have to rip it off at some point if you truly want to get better. Shame has kept me quiet all these years, but Love has finally set me free.

You see, I was 23 years old and living out my childhood dream playing professional baseball in Cleveland. I dedicated all my energy into it, using it as my drug to numb what was really going on inside. Don’t get me wrong, I loved every moment of my playing days, and I would go the same route again if I had the chance (with one big change). But even with all the money, fancy cars, nice clothes and a little tiny bit of fame, I would go home every night wishing I could change. Deep down I wanted something more, I wanted to be loved not for what I did, but who I was.

I know most would say, " you never really gave me a chance to love you for who you are because we didn’t know". You’re right, I gave very few that chance. I’ve sat in many rooms, listened to conversations around me, sat in pews at church, and read posts that have led me to act otherwise. It’s hard listening to people talk about you without them knowing that the words they are saying are directed at you.

Today’s passage of the Respect for Marriage Act protects us to have the same rights and opportunities that each of you have. It protects the same benefits. It makes us equal to you. It allows Ryan Neitzel and I to come together and create something beautiful. It gives me the confidence to get engaged to the person I love (he said Yes!), to marry them. I have a wonderful fiance, who challenges me daily to become a better person. To live life authentically. One who I never deserved but blessed to have. Love you see, it's for everyone.

I’m finally healing, and days like today are what helps me continue to grow into the person I’ve been all along, one I’ve locked up for 20 plus years.

Today I am Loved

I am so happy for TJ, not just because he finally felt the fortitude to come out, but also because his fiance said yes and he can finally be who he truly is, without reservation and without fear. Coming out is never easy, it certainly was not for me. Accepting who you are is never easy, that also was certainly true for me. The act of coming out goes beyond searching for external acceptance, but also striving for internal acceptance. Learning to accept yourself for who you are is much harder than asking others to love you for who you are; the internal is frequently much more difficult than the external.

I suspected I might be gay for years when I was in high school, and when I was in college. I went to Catholic school, and I never met a gay person until I went to college, and I did not know how a gay relationship would even work. This seems silly to think today, but ‘dumb questions’ like: how do gay couples have kids? Do gay couples go to church? How often do gay couples faces discrimination? These questions constantly nagged me so I convinced myself I liked girls as much as boys, and convinced myself: why go through that struggle if I can be happy some other way? It was not until after college that I finally realized that I would not be happy pretending to be straight, I would not find joy in a straight relationship, and had to face the fact that I would need to answer those dumb questions, and to my astonishment: I found the answers to be surprisingly simple.

Gay couples can’t have kids the normal way, but we can still be parents through adoption or surrogacy. Gay couples do still go to church, gay couples do face discrimination but with the love and support of friends and family we persevere and hope for a day where this no longer occurs. Stepping through the door showed me how internal angst can be overcome, but first you must choose to walk through it, which is never as easy as it seems when you reach the other side.

Which is why I feel so happy for TJ, because I know what he went through to finally reach acceptance, and the struggles he must have dealt with to become engaged. TJ House is the first baseball player I know I rooted for, in person, whom I have memories of, and is gay, who is like me. This brings me joy because, although I knew gay men were capable of playing in Major League Baseball, there is a difference between knowing something is possible and witnessing it with your own eyes. TJ House is not the first gay person to come out after playing Major League Baseball: but he is the first player I have witnessed. This brings me joy, and also angers me to my core. This proves to me a simple point: Major League Baseball is failing its players.

Unlike on racial equality Major League Baseball is falling far behind society in accepting gay people. Gay men serve openly in the military, we lead states as governors (Jared Polis of Colorado being a prominent example), we run for president and we serve in Congress. Despite society’s movement towards acceptance there are still no out gay Major League Baseball players, and I say out baseball players because there are definitely gay Major League Baseball players: they have either not accepted themselves yet, or they do not feel comfortable to come out in the environment built and fostered by Major League Baseball. I want to be clear, as TJ’s story shows, I suspect most closeted gay baseball players are facing internal struggles, but those internal struggles are being exacerbated by the external environment they live in Major League Baseball. I do not believe that Major League Baseball is bigoted towards the LGBT community, but this does not mean that baseball has done enough.

Major League Baseball is a huge industry worth billions of dollars, and they invest billions both into players salaries and medical support for them. I do not know what kind of support TJ got from the Cleveland Indians for his struggles, but whatever it was it clearly was not enough. If baseball can afford to pay for the best specialists to deal with injury: they can also afford to pay for counselors to help players deal with internal struggle. I did not accept or realize I was gay until I was 23, and I know many gay men do not come out until later in life. Some, like former senator Harris Wofford, realize it near the end of their life. Which leads me to ask: does MLB provide counselors to assist players in working through these kinds of struggles? Are they fostering an encouraging environment for their players, many of whom are younger than I was when I came out (and when TJ came out)? I do not know, if they do not they must start immediately. But counseling support should be the least that baseball is doing to support gay athletes.

The biggest thing Major League Baseball can do is provide the leadership to unequivocally send a sign to closeted players that they are supported, respected and that their identity will not harm their career prospects. This leadership is clearly lacking, which is why most of my anger is directed towards the managers and leaders on the field. I have never been in the locker room of a Major League Baseball team, so I can only imagine what that is like. But I can say with certainty that whatever leadership modern managers are providing is obviously leading to a culture where gay men are facing their internal struggles alone, or with less support than is required. I do not know if there has been a manager who, like Leo Durocher in 1947, sat his team down and demanded they accept a gay player, but my suspicion is they have not: and thats a shame, more than a shame it’s downright wrong.

2022 is not 1947. Acceptance for gay people is at an all time high in the United States & Canada. The passage of the Respect for Marriage Act, on a bipartisan basis, is proof of that, and the latest polls suggest 70% of Americans approve (or accept) gay marriage. The team with the first gay player is not going to face coordinated resistance, like the Brooklyn Dodgers did, they are likely going to be praised and celebrated not just by a small minority of people: but by most of the United States.

Before I close I want to address one elephant in the room. I know there are many people who have sincere religious beliefs regarding the sanctity of marriage, and that marriage can only occur between a man and a woman. That’s fine; I respect that belief and if you believe that your religion requires this belief of you: God bless you. You may also believe that homosexuality is a sin, that is also fine.I also know many baseball players share this belief. For instance five Rays players refused to wear Pride uniformson the Tampa Bay Rays, to which I say: fine. I am not asking anyone to change their beliefs for me, or for other gay people. I am not asking you to condone my lifestyle, and if you do not want to wear symbols celebrating the Gay Rights movement that is your choice. I do not think that a handful of devout religious players is holding baseball back; I am not asking them to change.

But I am demanding that Major League Baseball do the hard work to foster an inclusive environment. Unlike the Civil Rights movement baseball is now a laggard on Gay rights. Despite the Pride nights hosted by nearly every team, despite the kind words said by many executives, it is unquestionably true that there is no out gay player in all of Major League Baseball, and only one in the Minor Leagues (Bryan Ruby, and to be fair that I know of or has been reported). There are 1,200 players on 40 man rosters, there are probably a few hundred others who will be throughout the 2023 season. There are thousands more players in the Minor League Baseball system. If the population of Major League Baseball players is anything like the general population about 50-100 players (on the 40 man rosters alone) should be gay. If you want to claim that there are differences between the Major League Baseball population & the general population: fine, cut that in half. We know gay players are out there: TJ House is proof they have existed and likely exist now. The fact none of them feel comfortable being who they are is a stain on baseball.

To close I would like to highlight something TJ said:

You see, I was 23 years old and living out my childhood dream playing professional baseball in Cleveland. I dedicated all my energy into it, using it as my drug to numb what was really going on inside.

I am familiar with this feeling, and I am sure we all are, using an activity to distract our minds from a deeper wound. TJ played every one of his games with this feeling, all 29 of his professional games. Would TJ have played better if he had felt comfortable coming out when he played? We will, of course, never know the answer to this question. But baseball owes it to its fans, itself and its athletes to ensure that no athlete will ever have cause to blame the environment Major League Baseball exists for why they cannot accept who they are, and I hope TJ’s courage will inspire players playing today to become the next Jackie Robinson and open the floodgates.

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