Harriette Cole: My husband’s behavior is disrupting my workday
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has always smoked weed, but ever since quarantine, he has smoked every day, often starting at 7 a.m. and going throughout the day.
He’s back at work in a hybrid capacity, and I’m working from home. It drives me crazy to have to smell weed all day long. As I am conducting Zoom meetings or otherwise working, the last thing I want to smell is marijuana smoke wafting through my house. He knows I can’t stand it.
Sometimes he lights a candle, but normally he just smokes and that’s that.
I can’t take it anymore. I want him to stop smoking, at least while I’m working.
What can I say to get him to refrain? We live in an apartment, so there is no backyard or man cave he can escape to. We are in a small space together.
— Boundaries
DEAR BOUNDARIES: So many challenges emerged out of the quarantine period. Many couples found themselves in situations where one partner’s habits annoyed the you-know-what out of the other. Yours sounds especially frustrating.
While you probably can’t get your husband to stop smoking altogether, it is fair for you to ask him not to smoke during business hours.
Be direct when you talk to him — preferably when he is not high. Point out that you are working each day during specific hours. You would like for him to refrain from smoking during those hours.
If he balks, remind him that if he were at his job, he would not be able to smoke on site. During the workday when he is at home, he is essentially in your workplace. Ask him not to smoke at your job site during working hours.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Going into the holiday season, I already know I don’t have the funds to buy a whole lot of gifts for people. I do have things that I could share with loved ones, though.
I have a pretty cool collection of books that I could give to some of the people on my list. I also have some clothing items that could be nice for gifts. I’m just not so sure that people will appreciate these items.
How do I let my loved ones know that I am giving from my closet without seeming pathetic?
— Creative Gifting
DEAR CREATIVE GIFTING: Make it a big deal that you have made this choice. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Write a note to go with each item. State that you have selected the particular thing for them. You enjoyed it immensely, and now you want to share it with them in hopes that they will enjoy it as well.
This is when the notion of “it’s the thought that counts” really matters. You did think about each person and what they would like. To the best of your ability, you offered them something with love from your own home. Whether they will use it is on them.
Hopefully, they will appreciate your thoughtfulness in selecting it and presenting it to them.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)