Rhode Island Scumbag NFL Locks, divisional round: Betting on a million Chiefs points

On Sunday morning, the alert came through the group chat.

“SCUMBAG LOCK OF THE CENTURY

COWBOYS -1 1H”

This was wildly and thoroughly accurate. Dallas compounded Tom Brady’s expanding list of regrets by blowing the doors off the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in a game notable for Dak Prescott’s statement performance, Brett Maher’s, uh, opposite of that, and what was likely Brady’s final game in Tampa. Unfortunately for our expert, it wasn’t one of the official plays chronicled in this column. Now he’s under .500 for the year.

Like the rest of us, he’s still churning through the overloaded Super Wild Card Weekend ™ and staring down two games that look like heavyweight brawls and a pair that, at first glance, are more undercard fodder. This week’s picks are short, simple and minimal. Let’s get to them, forever wondering if he’s merely saving all his good bets for the group chat.