Thanks for commissioning my idea for more realistic ‘middle aged’ Love Island, ITV – now I know the perfect host for it
FINALLY, ITV has heeded my pleas for a brand new kind of Love Island.
It was announced this week the channel is going ahead with a version of the show featuring older, single parents.
I’ll take full credit, if I may.
It’s something I’ve written about in this paper more than once over the past few years.
And watching the current series featuring the twentysomethings confirms why a different take on the show, with middle-age men and women instead, is such a brilliant, genius idea (of mine).
You’re welcome.
I’ve never been too proud to admit I’m a fan of Love Island.
As a study of human psychology and entertainment, it’s damn good value for money.
My interest was initially piqued a few years ago on account of having two teenage daughters living at home.
I felt it was my maternal, professional and protective duty to get involved.
Only to find, I might add, that one of them couldn’t bear to watch it alongside me, aka Gobby Mum, who insisted on talking about the programme throughout the entire show.
So that was the end of that bonding experience.
That oldest female Ungrateful has now given up on watching Love Island altogether.
She says she sees through the fame-hungry Islanders and feels the show is too manipulated and scripted — and everyone plays to the cameras now.
She’s right, of course.
This happens with all reality shows because everyone learns the rules of the game.
And this is why we need to bring a whole new demographic to the villa.
Forget the current Love Island meat market of perfect make-up and even more perfect bodies.
There is zero variety on the show and that means it’s never going to be a true reflection of life itself.
I can’t deny I’ve grown somewhat weary of its formulaic approach.
The best thing about this South African series is, of course, the divine Maya Jama.
If loving her is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
She’s the perfect presenter because she “gets” what the Islanders are going through.
Which is exactly what will be needed for the new ITV over-50s show.
Davina McCall may have her eye on the job, but I would argue she hasn’t got the hands-on experience a certain Swedish TV presenter has of the dating app wilderness.
I’ve long been on a mission to shine a light on those of us who are over 50 and often feel overlooked by society.
We’re not dead yet and our love lives are not over by a long shot.
With more marriages and relationships ending and with us living longer, we owe it to this group of men and women to explore their experiences of dating.
LAUGH AND CRY
Our needs and desires are very different to those in their 20s — with the exception of us still lusting for snogs and a lot of hanky panky . . .
But I would argue we have greater depth and more life experience, not to mention a history of mess and ridiculousness.
We care less about trivial things.
We no longer sweat the small stuff. We might still be searching for our newfound purpose away from grown-up children.
In short, we are people of huge interest because we’ve not only had to endure life, but we’ve had to learn to laugh and cry at our trail of past mistakes.
Also, we understand that life is short.
Very few 20-year-olds realise that. They think they’re immortal.
So us golden oldies are more likely, perhaps, to throw caution to the wind — misbehave and disgrace ourselves.
What more could ITV want?
So, ITV: Have passport. Will travel. Can present.
PAIN A TOUGH CROSS TO BEAR
SINGER Jo O’Meara took me back to a very dark place when she opened up about her chronic back pain.
Not that many years ago I was where the S Club 7 star was.
Like Jo, I couldn’t “see the light at the end of the tunnel” due to a debilitating back problem – for which no one seemed able to find a solution.
I was in constant, chronic pain while standing, lying and sitting and nothing relieved it.
I couldn’t be left alone with my youngest child – a toddler at the time – in case he needed to be picked up.
I saw consultants, had MRIs, injections.
I spoke to a neurosurgeon who said I kinda fell between two stools. Not literally.
But an operation might help and it might make things worse.
It was a difficult time that dragged on for about four years and I lost my appetite for life.
BAD DAYS
Painkillers became my friend but didn’t help.
I struggled to see a way forward and, in the depths of my despair,
I felt it might be easier to not live because my quality of life was utterly miserable.
Around four in five adults experience lower back pain at some point.
For some reason we don’t appear to be very good at understanding and dealing with pain from both a societal and medical point of view.
And nowadays the talk is all about stopping people taking opioid painkillers due to the epidemic of addiction.
My pain eventually eased, I believe, because I took up swimming.
But there is no silver bullet for any one condition.
My degenerative symptoms have not gone away and I still have good and bad days.
But I felt inspired by Andy Murray’s stunning victories this week in the Australian Open.
After enduring a hip operation in January 2018 and another a year later, I bet he thought his playing career might be over.
And I never thought I’d be drunk-dancing to rubbish music all those years ago when I had no impetus to go on.
But there can be light at the end of the pain tunnel.
THE viral video of Kim Kardashian doing her best version of “chav” make-up is not only in bad taste, it’s also insulting.
Many girls are emulating Kim.
They want to have that flawless, polished look and will go to any lengths to achieve it.
Their admiration for her face and their love of her look has meant they have become dedicated followers.
To see her so flippantly make a joke of how some women apply their make-up seems cruel and a tad ungrateful.
Not every woman out there has the luxury of a make-up artist at hand the second she wakes up.
Nor are they followed around by a film crew that can create perfect lighting
STUNNING SHIRLEY DOESN’T DANCE AROUND THE REALITY
HATS off to Shirley Ballas for admitting to having had a non-surgical facelift.
She’s a stunning woman regardless, but it’s refreshing to have a ’sleb admit she’s had some help.
Too many people in the public eye pretend their giant lips are natural and that their inability to frown is just a freakery of genes.
But most of us are smart enough to know better.
It’s a tricky tightrope to walk, this whole ageing malarkey.
Some people are incredibly fortunate and just seem to age very well and naturally.
And we really laud those lucky beggars – as if it’s cleverness that has helped them glide seamlessly into older age, not just a fortunate draw in the gene lottery.
I look disappointingly at my face in the mirror every day and wish my parents had passed on better genes.
But at the same time, I know I just have to accept the ageing process and from time to time get a bit of help from my friend Botox, which I have always been open about.
I like honesty. It’s my currency.
So a round of applause for the Strictly Come Dancing star for sharing her journey and being upfront about it.
I’d definitely give her a ten.