Jeff Burkhart: It doesn’t matter how often you show up, just that you do
“How are you?” asked a man I didn’t know.
“We haven’t been here in a while,” said his companion.
It doesn’t matter how long it has been. All that matters is that you’re there at that moment. The yogis say there is no past, there is no future, there is only this moment. The philosophers will agree. And the lawyers will argue. But a bartender will shrug their shoulders. We already know that. The most important customer/client/guest is the one sitting in front of you. It’s the only course of events you have control over.
“Well thanks for coming in,” I said.
“We are happy to support our favorite restaurant.”
If I recognized them or didn’t makes no difference. Every experience is new and every experience starts now.
“This is one of our favorite of our favorite restaurants,” one of them said. I don’t quite remember. However I do remember what he said next.
“Is this new?” he asked of our three-year-old pre-pandemic bar top.
It’s not my job to make people uncomfortable, or point out their errors, mispronunciations, errors of fact or even errors of fiction. My job is to make people feel comfortable. That is the nature of hospitality — inclusiveness.
We have all had that experience where we walk into a place and instantly feel unwelcome. It can happen when leaving, too. I once frequented a fast-casual place where you had to walk out past the entire staff. The only time they ever said anything to me was if I said something first. Not the height of professionalism.
Funny thing, they didn’t survive the pandemic. I wonder why?
Which is why I didn’t point out the obvious to the couple.
I spend a lot of time on these pages poking fun at the problem customers, but the truth is most of the people I wait on are quite nice. And I wanted to take some time to thank the many people who make my job so enjoyable.
There are many professions that seem to need constant praise and constant thanks, but the service business isn’t one of them. The easiest way to show your appreciation to a service person is to not do anything. At least not anything untoward. The key to appreciation is as simple as not being a jerk. That’s it — nothing more.
You don’t have to hand us the plates, move your glasses closer, or wipe down your spot. We will be happy to do all that. We do it every day. You don’t have to ask us how we are feeling, or ask us about our day. What you can do is just don’t cause problems. And I mean obvious problems, like cutting in line, or blocking the aisle, or lying about your reservation time. We will be forever grateful for that one simple act. People forget that the act of appreciation is as simple as observing the rules. Our rules, not yours.
Some people know that. And for them I am eternally grateful. Long after I have left this bar and these pages I will remember all of the moments we have spent together. The bad might get more print but it is the good that sends me into work every night.
Thank you to all the people I see every week — you know who you are. Thank you to all the people who come in every couple of weeks — ditto. Thank you to the people I only see on the holidays. Thank you to the people I see every couple of years and thank you to the couple who just noticed the “new” bar top at their favorite restaurant. It doesn’t matter how often you come in, it just matters that you do. And I appreciate that.
Leaving me with these thoughts:
• Appreciation is an action, not a word
• No amount of complaining has ever fixed anything
• “Don’t bring me problems. Bring me solutions,” might be the best bartender quote ever.
• This is my 800th column. Thanks to all of you, too!
Jeff Burkhart is the author of “Twenty Years Behind Bars: The Spirited Adventures of a Real Bartender, Vol. I and II,” the host of the Barfly Podcast on iTunes and an award-winning bartender at a local restaurant. Follow him at jeffburkhart.net and contact him at jeffbarflyIJ@outlook.com