Joe Burrow thirst is raging on TikTok and y'all should be ashamed

To say Joe Burrow is having a moment isn’t just an understatement — it’s misleading.

Burrow’s “moment” has lasted years at this point, both for his talent and ability to bounce back, and his star isn’t fading anytime soon. The Bengals quarterback is leading Cincinnati back to the AFC Championship game for the second year in a row with hopes of another shot at a Super Bowl appearance (not to mention another shot at being the first Heisman winner to claim a national championship AND a Super Bowl win).

But that’s not why we’re here. We’re here because my TikTok feed, which is usually a healthy mix of kitchen hacks, makeup tutorials and dated millennial humor, is now an endless, shameless stream of Joe Burrow smut.

And it’s time to get a grip.

How is this poor man supposed to focus on football knowing someone’s out there making yet another slo-mo “Big Boy” edit of him in that floral suit? How can he be expected to get through warmups when all it takes is a verse from “WAP” and a two-second shot of a deep lunge to whip Beyonce’s internet into a lustful frenzy?

It doesn’t matter that he was born with a jawline that could cut glass or that his tailor deserves a medal for what he can do with a fitted blazer. What matters is some of us are trying to live our lives in peace and it’s not easy when the algorithm has been HIJACKED BY SIN.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself. You might want to watch a few of these more than once. For journalism reasons.