My girlfriend refuses to have sex with me – we’re best mates at best

DEAR DEIDRE: THE relationship I have with my girlfriend is good friendship at best but I don’t want to lose her.

She won’t allow me to touch her sexually.

We are both 45 and have been together for nine months. I feel I’ve been more than patient with her.

We kiss, we cuddle but as soon as I move towards being intimate, she stops me.

Her last relationship wasn’t good – she’s told me that much. But I don’t know how bad it was.

I booked us a weekend away for her birthday recently and we slept in the same bed but there was no action.

We get on really well.

We enjoy long walks together and can talk for hours.

I want a full relationship with everything that comes with it.

Am I wasting my time sticking with her?

DEIDRE SAYS: No, it sounds as if you have something good going on.

It is natural that you want a sex life so you need to find a time, when you’re not on your way to bed, to ask why she is so sexually shy.

My guess is there’s been some abuse or a sheltered upbringing.

Whatever the answer, it is possible to overcome any fears or concerns she may have.

Reassurance and communication are key here. My support pack Too Inhibited In Bed may help but if she needs emotional support because of abuse, suggest she contacts The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk, 0808 2000 247).