The Miracle Of Life: PornHub Has Announced That Every Creampie Video On Their Site Led To The Birth Of A Wonderful Child
Sometimes it’s easy to forget just how extraordinary the act of procreation is, but one major company is doing everything they can to celebrate the miracle of life: PornHub just announced that every single creampie video on their site led to the birth of a wonderful child.
Beautiful!
PornHub revealed in a press release today that, after exhaustively vetting all 193,398 creampie videos on their website, they can officially confirm that each and every hot clip of a massive cock unloading its sticky man batter into an eager fuckhole led to the birth of a healthy, adorable child approximately nine months later. The porn juggernaut even went as far as to follow up with the performers from each of the XXX videos to ensure that all of the resultant chubby-cheeked angels are being loved and supported by both of their parents, or in the case of gangbangs, the mother and every guy who filled her snatch ‘til it was overflowing.
“Watching a closeup of a creampie oozing out of a well-used, satisfied pussy is great and all, but only if it can be confirmed that the sperm did indeed spark the life of a wonderful newborn infant,” said PornHub in the press release. “The last thing we want is for PornHub viewers to have to imagine that the massive loads of jizz didn’t successfully impregnate the actress as she screamed, ‘Give me your cum, Daddy!’ or, ‘Fill me up, I need it!’ How disappointing would that be? PornHub is not only a place for viewers to explore their wildest creampie fantasies, but also a place where viewers can celebrate the sanctity of life and take comfort knowing that the filthy sex acts they’re watching aren’t in vain.”
“Yes, of course I get pregnant and give birth after every scene I shoot,” said pornographic actress Creampie Cathy. “Why else would I do it? Sure, feeling the warm creampie filling me up and then getting slurped out of me by another woman is fun, but that’s just a bonus. I do this because I love children. They truly are our future. So when PornHub told me they would take my videos down if I couldn’t provide DNA test results showing that every video I’ve done led to the birth of a child, I had no problem doing it.”
Amazing. Your move, XVideos.com!
There are things more important in life than masturbating to raunchy pornography, and by ensuring that all their hardcore creampie porn leads to beautiful children being born, PornHub is reminding us of what truly matters. Way to go, PornHub!