My parents gave me a gender-neutral name. I have mixed feelings about it.
Courtesy of Angie Klaus Photography
- Even before meeting my dad, my mom dreamed of having a daughter and naming her Jamie.
- Having a gender-neutral name has advantages and disadvantages for a cisgender heterosexual woman.
- I gave my kids gendered names, knowing that they can change them in the future if they want.
Long before I was born, my mother dreamed of having a daughter. Before she even met the man who would become my father, she decided her daughter would be named Jamie.
There was no internet when she first heard the name from a friend in the 1970s. She couldn't look up its meaning or origin. She couldn't research alternate spellings. She couldn't even be sure if it was a girl's name or a boy's name. My mother knew only that she loved the way the name sounded. She also liked that it was unusual.
Even by the time I was born years later, she still hadn't met anyone named Jamie, and she unknowingly gave her baby girl this traditionally masculine name.
I've been asked why I have a 'male' name
I've been bombarded with questions about why my parents gave me a boy's name. "My mother liked the name," I repeatedly answered. "She didn't know." Sometimes I joked that my father had always wanted a boy and so played along with the plan. Other times people assumed I had a more feminine name and used Jamie as a nickname.
I love being a woman, and for years I'd wear only dresses and skirts. I was often embarrassed and sometimes angry that I had a boy's name when I was so clearly a girl. I longed to be more like Jennifers, Heathers, and Staceys around me, with names that unquestionably told the world they were female.
My name sometimes caused confusion. A history professor in a large lecture class once told me: "I know you are here to take the exam for your boyfriend. I won't allow it." I made my case, and he reluctantly let me take the exam but refused to grade it until I returned with a photo ID.
When I arrived at a study-abroad program in England, I discovered I'd been placed on the men's floor in the dorm. Whoever assigned rooms had evidently overlooked the box indicating I was female and assumed I was a man. The program had nowhere else to put me, so I stayed in the single room assigned to me, but I wasn't enthusiastic about sharing a bathroom with a bunch of guys. I often went up a couple of flights of stairs to shower and relieve myself, even in the middle of the night.
Having a gender-neutral name can be beneficial
But there are also benefits to having my gender-neutral name. When I apply for jobs, I can leave off my more feminine middle name, Susan. I reason that this might protect me from some discrimination women can face, at least at the screening stage. If I apply for a job where it might be beneficial for a hiring manager to know I'm a woman, I include my middle name as part of my application. I do the same when sending emails.
Even in 2023, I've found that some people would rather deal with my husband than me when it comes to things like car purchases or home repairs. It's easy to pass as "Mr." rather than "Ms." with a name like mine.
When I had my own children, I thought about giving them gender-neutral names because of the flexibility my name has given me. I also take seriously that sex at birth and gender don't always match, and having a gender-neutral name could be advantageous if my children were genderfluid or trans.
I ended up giving them gendered names; I figured they can change them in the future if they want. So far I'm happy with this decision.