Wife has thrown me out after I had an affair – why can’t I be loyal?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife has thrown me out after a woman I had a meaningless fling with ­contacted her as revenge.

I wish I could say it was a one-off, but it wasn’t.

I love my wife but I can’t stop cheating on her.

We have been married for eight years and have two children aged four and six months. I am 37 and my wife is 34.

We live in a lovely house and area but I have a busy job which takes its toll on me.

I am ashamed to admit I’ve had numerous flings.

The last one started when I got talking to a woman at the gym. She was slightly older than me but very fit.

We began flirting then swapped numbers — I knew then that she would be my next lover.

I duly texted her one night to ­suggest we skip the gym and go somewhere more private.

She invited me to her flat and we ended up having the most amazing sex.

We continued to see one another a few more times, but I had to put an end to it when my wife started to ask too many questions and was becoming suspicious.

But this woman said I’d humiliated her. She was so furious she called my wife and told her everything.

My wife immediately kicked me out. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to be like this.

My wife deserves better — she’s so loyal and loving to me, so why can’t I be the same?

These other women mean nothing whereas my wife and kids mean everything. What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your infidelity may well go back to childhood experiences.

What was your parents’ relationship like?

Chances are you felt unloved as a child, so you’re on an endless quest as an adult to feel loved.

You’re getting hooked on that high of getting off with someone new, especially if you are wary of relying on one person emotionally because you were hurt when young. Perhaps a parent walked out on you?

Face up to the fact you are making a choice every time you have sex with other women.

You mention work “takes its toll”, so consider adjusting your lifestyle and keep yourself away from temptation until you can trust your willpower.

You will have to do a lot of grovelling and apologising but I hope that your wife will give you another chance.

My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? will help you get a grip on your straying.