Miss Manners: My cleaning lady implied I am mentally unstable

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently moved in with my partner, who has had the same cleaning lady for 15 years. I thought she was quite nice and we got on well at first.

Then she started making subtle comments about my level of cleanliness, which I ignored. We are not dirty people, but it just doesn’t matter to me or my partner if laundry sits in an unused room for three days before it gets folded. To be honest, he would leave it alone and pull clean clothes from that pile all week.

She has been making more passive-aggressive remarks to me, not him, as we go on. Today she explained that her grandma taught her that a woman who doesn’t keep a clean house is mentally unstable. She teaches her children this, as well.

I was shocked, and I told her that was an awful thing to say. I’m pretty fed up and want to address this next time she comes. Should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Have you discussed this with your partner? It seems to Miss Manners that he might be the better one to have this chat with the cleaning lady — if for no other reason than the fact that her sexist proclivity might make her more apt to listen to him.

But regardless of the outcome, you would do well to leave the house any time it is being cleaned. Or maybe that was this woman’s plan all along, so that she could finally fold and put away that looming pile of laundry without objection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on the wisdom or folly of gently informing a fellow driver that they have just parked their car so as to take up two spaces?

GENTLE READER: That anyone who is shameless enough to take up two parking spaces is not likely going to be open to feedback, however gentle it may be.

Sadly, and for your own safety, Miss Manners suggests you fume in silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law sent us a text message with an invitation, which I assume she took a picture of, for her husband’s 70th birthday celebration.

I have sent many, many invitations in the past. I have spent a lot of time preparing them so they look nice and appropriate, then gathering mailing addresses (or email addresses) before sending them out in the mail (or electronically). I always want my guests to feel important when they get an invitation.

However, receiving an invitation by text does not sit well with me, and it makes me feel unimportant. It is not pleasing.

What do you think of this? I am thinking of emailing her with a proper response, rather than sending a text message.

GENTLE READER: Or you could go hog wild and write the letter by hand. That’ll teach ‘er!

Miss Manners supposes that this is a good example of the passive-aggressive advice she is often accused of dispensing. But if it gives you satisfaction and does not openly insult the invitation issuer — confusing her is perfectly all right — then she sees nothing wrong with it. Just do not be surprised when your sister-in-law ignores any handwritten invitations and coerces you into sending text reminders anyway.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.