Montana Brown ‘hit rock bottom’ after Love Island pal’s Mike Thalassitis death and ‘never felt so broken or lost’
FORMER Love Islander Montana Brown, reveals how she battled back after hitting rock bottom.
The 27-year-old found herself struggling to deal her new-found fame – and the passing of her good friend Mike Thalassitis was a catalyst in her journey with therapy.
“Before Love Island, I’d never struggled with my mental health.
“I was a massive tomboy and very secure in myself. I didn’t give a second thought to what I looked like.
“But when I came off the show, I found myself in this world where everything was about appearance. I ended up getting lots of filler and Botox, because everyone was doing it and I felt huge pressure to look a certain way.
“As I tried to adjust to overnight fame, that pressure became crippling anxiety and paranoia – feelings I’d never experienced before, which were overwhelming.
“Going into the villa, none of us had any idea what lay ahead. That 2017 series exploded, but we didn’t realise how big a sensation it had become until we left.
“I found the relentless attention and loss of control very difficult – I hadn’t been prepared for how much the show was going to turn my life upside down.
“I stopped leaving the house on my own, as I felt too vulnerable. I’d find myself becoming anxious about getting on public transport in case I got hassled or filmed on people’s phones.
“There would sometimes be groups of lads coming back from the football who would shout at me and take videos. In that situation, what do you do as a lone, young woman?
“It was intimidating and I couldn’t handle the uncertainty over my safety. It often reduced me to tears.
“The constant anxiety caused drastic weight loss, and when I look back at photos of myself from that time, I can see the unhappiness in my eyes.
“But what’s crazy is that people were praising me for being skinny!
“I was depressed and unhealthily thin, but was being told I looked incredible. Then there was the abuse from internet trolls, which I would read over and over, dissecting it and torturing myself.
“When my good friend from the series Mike [Thalassitis] took his own life in March 2019, aged 26, I hit rock bottom.
“I was already in a really bad place. I’d never felt so broken or lost and I couldn’t see how I was going to stop feeling like that.
“But losing Mike also gave me the strength to recover. I found myself wanting to get better and work on my mental health. I realised I’d been existing on external validation, but it wasn’t making me happy.
“At the start of 2020, I came out of a relationship and, though I was scared of being alone, I took time for myself. I started journalling and limiting the time I spent scrolling, I had early nights and started playing the piano again.
“I started to feel more fulfilled. It gave me a fresh perspective on life – I learned to appreciate the things we take for granted, no matter how small.
“I also signed up with an all-female management agency, who have supported and guided me so much. I regained the weight I’d lost and am now heavier, yet happier than ever.
“My absolute saviour was therapy – having a safe space once a week to offload was vital. I genuinely believe that if everybody had therapy, the world would be a better place.
“We’re all encouraged to look after our physical health, but sometimes it’s more important to look after our mental health.
“I still have therapy from time to time, when I need it. As far as trolling goes, I don’t read any of it now.
“I know Love Island has brought in new measures to support and protect the mental health of contestants. I don’t blame the team for anything – they were learning as we were.
“They didn’t know how big it was going to be, so could only react to what was happening at the time.
“Last year, I moved out of London and back to Hertfordshire, where I grew up, with my partner Mark [O’Connor, 28, a real-estate executive], as we prepare for the birth of our baby this summer.
“It felt like the final piece of the jigsaw and I can’t wait to start our family.
“Hopefully, the work I’ve done on myself will help me be the best mum I possibly can.”
● Montana’s swimwear brand is available from Swimsociety.co.uk.