‘The kindest thing you ever do’: rider speaks out on the euthanasia of her ‘dearest friend’

A rider who had her “dearest friend” put down before the decision was taken out of her hands has shared her and Oscar’s story in the hope it might help others.

Rebecca Butler made the call for 29-year-old Oscar last Friday (17 February) after 12 happy years. She told H&H that to see her horse “quietly go to sleep and lie down on the grass in his favourite patch was a dignified and fitting end to a long-term companion”.

“It may be a cliche but that was my way of saying thank you to him,” she said.

Oscar had been fully retired for a year owing to his “ageing joints”, and he had been well and happy. Rebecca said an article by H&H this month, on not judging horses’ quality of life by the fact they are still eating, prompted her to get in touch.

“That resonated,” she said. “Oscar was a real pie and chips man and lived on fresh air but for the past two weeks I’d been giving him quite a bit more food but had noticed he was looking a bit poor.

“I knew him, and I’d seen a couple of mornings that he’d fired his bed everywhere and thought he’d struggled to get up. Hence my decision. I felt the last thing for either of us was for him to go down and be unable to stand.

“I feel very strongly that we need to make the decision before it’s made for us; we owe it to our horses and ponies, because they can’t tell us.

“I’ve spoken to people and they’ve said ‘You’re so brave’ but I’m not very brave, I just knew it was the right decision for him.”

Rebecca said she had thought at Christmas the time might be coming, so warned her husband not to try to talk her out of it when the time came.

“On Thursday, I asked my husband to come with me to the yard to move the hay feeder as I thought that’s where I’d like it to be done, in his field, and of course Oscar came cantering over,” she said. “My husband said ‘He’s fine!’ I said ‘He’s not, and if we don’t do it tomorrow, we’ll have to do it in two weeks’ time. And when I put his headcollar on and he had to walk across the stones, I could see him thinking ‘Actually, I wish I hadn’t cantered’. You have to know them.”

Rebecca said the whole process was “as calm and compassionate and fitting as you could have wanted”.

“If you do it at the right time, it can be a calm experience. It’s very sad but it can be dignified and calm,” she said. “I asked my husband to go away as I knew he’d be upset and I wanted to be calm and normal, chatting to Oscar. Everyone connected could not have been kinder and more compassionate.”

Rebecca paid tribute to the “cheekiest, twinkliest” horse who was also her best friend, and the years of fun they had had together.

“He was the kind of character that made the decision even more difficult, and he was family,” she said. “It’s a very personal decision and of course one size doesn’t fit all, and quality of life is a very tricky one. But if you don’t do it at the right time, it could be a very stressful experience. And from a selfish point of view, what horrible memories I could have had, let alone what he’d have gone through, if I hadn’t made the decision.

“Everyone is different but I’m a normal person and if I can do it, I absolutely believe anyone can.”

Rebecca urged others to have a contingency plan; for who will do the deed and how; she recommended talking through procedures with the vet to find out how it will work, and arranging in advance what happens afterwards, as this can be expensive.

“Don’t be afraid to have that conversation with your vet; I don’t think there’s a vet in the land who wouldn’t be happy to have it,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to ask for support – if anyone is struggling I’m happy to help – and definitely have a plan.

“I would urge anyone with a horse or pony nearing the end of their life, please make the decision before it is made for you. There are an awful lot of cliches but they’re true, and the biggest one is that it is the kindest thing you ever do for them.”

You might also be interested in:

Horse & Hound magazine, out every Thursday, is packed with all the latest news and reports, as well as interviews, specials, nostalgia, vet and training advice. Find how you can enjoy the magazine delivered to your door every week, plus options to upgrade your subscription to access our online service that brings you breaking news and reports as well as other benefits.