I fired my accountant after he insisted I file my business taxes under my husband's social security number

Our experts answer readers' tax questions and write unbiased product reviews (here's how we assess tax products). In some cases, we receive a commission from our partners; however, our opinions are our own.

• Two years ago, my accountant told me that the IRS had no record of my estimated tax payments.
• His firm's policy for couples was to only file taxes under the husband's social security number.
• As my family's breadwinner, it's important that I'm respected while filing my taxes.

Two years ago, when it came time to file my taxes, my accountant called me with a problem: The IRS had no record of the quarterly taxes I'd made during the year, he said.

I was certain I'd paid thousands in estimated taxes, the quarterly payments that self-employed people are required to make. I'd been paying quarterlies for years at that point, so I knew what I was doing. I even had the receipts. I asked my accountant to find out where all that money might be.

A few days later he called to tell me he (and the IRS) had found the payments. They'd been lost because I filed them under my social security number, but my accountant had filed our taxes with my husband listed as the primary taxpayer. "So, when you pay this year just be sure to do it under his social," the account said as we ended the call.

He was so casual about it, but I was gobsmacked. I the one who had hired the accountant. He had never so much as spoken to my husband. I was also the sole income earner in our house. It was ludicrous to me that I would file taxes for my business using my husband's social security number when he had nothing at all to do with the income.

See Insider's picks for the best tax software »

At first, I tried to stay calm. Then, I got angry.

I explained that to my accountant. The previous year he had saved me a lot on taxes, and I was happy with his services until that point. I asked that he file our taxes with me as the primary taxpayer. That's what I had always done until I hired him, because I'm the one filing the taxes and the one earning the money. But he insisted that his firm's policy was to list the husband as the primary payer.

That's when I got angry. There's no IRS policy about which spouse is listed first. In fact, it's best practice to stay consistent, so I'd argue he should have followed my long-standing practice of putting my name at the top.

Over the course of the year I'd noticed that a newsletter from my accountant came to my email address, but it was addressed to my husband. It was irritating, but I let it slide. But I wasn't ready to let go of being the primary payer.

I wanted to feel respected as a female business owner and breadwinner

To be clear, there's absolutely no benefit to putting one spouse as the primary earner versus the other. I could have simply filed my quarterlies under my husband's social security number and it would have made no difference in our lives, since we share all our money anyway.

But I just couldn't bring myself to do it, on principle. I felt disrespected and angry. I couldn't help but think that the accountant would give me the side-eye if I suggested he filed his business tax under his wife's name.

I considered the fact that I was being petty. So I checked in with a group of women, all of whom agreed that the accountant's patriarchal and outdated system — not to mention his unwillingness to do what I, the paying customer, was asking — was wrong. More importantly, my husband agreed that I was right to be outraged.

I found another accountant who respects me as a business owner

Since my taxes were already prepped that year, I filed with my husband as primary earner. But I immediately started looking for new accountants. I interviewed men and women and decided on a male accountant. When he asked why I was looking for a new accountant, I was completely honest and he understood.

As a tax filer, I want to know that I'm working with someone who will respect me. I don't want to be afraid to ask silly questions. I look for a professional who understands me and my business. I don't think the first accountant was being malicious or was even aware of the effect of his policy. But that microaggression undermined my trust in him. I'm proud of myself for standing up and finding the accountant that's right for my business.