I was suicidal after being accused of taking banned drugs before big fight, Conor Benn tells Piers Morgan
BOXER Conor Benn has revealed he wanted to kill himself after being accused of taking a banned testosterone-boosting drug.
The welterweight champ — son of ring legend Nigel Benn — confessed to Piers Morgan that he contemplated suicide after testing positive.
With tears in his eyes, he revealed he also suffered night terrors and panic attacks in the wake of the drugs tests last autumn, while his son was subjected to vile racist abuse.
But Conor, 26, comes out fighting in his first televised interview since the scandal, to be shown on TalkTV at 8pm tomorrow night.
He strongly denied any wrongdoing and vowed to clear his name.
And in Piers Morgan Uncensored, Benn also reveals he wants to sue British boxing’s governing body for loss of earnings and damage to his reputation.
Piers asked him: “To be branded a cheat in the court of public opinion, what has that done to you?”
Conor said: “It’s hurt me. I didn’t think I was going to make it through this period.
“It’s hard because I feel like I was on death row for something I hadn’t even done.
“If I had done something wrong, you know, I am human. I would raise my hands to it, ‘I made a mistake’.
‘I was sobbing most nights’
“Whatever it is, my personal life, I raise my hands. Never this.
“I felt like seven years of hard work and sacrifice and leaving my family, and the image I maintained, was just ruined at someone else’s incompetence. It’s been hard for the family.”
Piers asked: “When you say you didn’t think you would make it, what did you mean?”
Conor said: “I was taking it day by day. I didn’t think I would see another day.”
Asked if he was feeling suicidal, Benn replied: “Yeah, I would say so.
“And it upsets me now because I don’t know how I got so bad. I got in a really bad way.
“If you think I’m innocent or if you don’t think I am innocent — I am innocent.”
Conor’s nightmare began as he was about to fight Chris Eubank Jnr — the son of another boxing legend — at London’s O2 Arena last October.
Although I had done nothing wrong, I was having night terrors, panic attacks. I was really struggling. I was in a really bad way.
Conor Benn
But the British Boxing Board of Control — BBBofC — suddenly cancelled the much-hyped bout after two tests appeared to show that undefeated welterweight Benn had traces of testosterone-altering drug clomifene in his system.
Becoming emotional, he said: “I would never do this to my family. I would never do this to my supporters.
“Do you think I would do this to my dad? Do you think I would do this to my son, who’s now got to grow up and look at this?
“It’s not who I am and it killed me because I was transparent with the public my whole career from 19 years old.
“I’m a grown man now who has worked hard over the years.”
Since being accused, Conor and his family — including young son, Eli — have been subjected to vile abuse on social media.
Piers asked him what had been the worst things he had read about himself in the last four months.
Conor said: “There’s been too many. Kill yourself. Racist comments to my son, with my family.
“Nothing in person. It’s cowardly. I don’t even think it was social media that bothers me.
“It was more so of the shame I felt leaving the house, although I had done nothing wrong. I was having night terrors, panic attacks.
“I was really struggling and I was coping terribly with it. I was in a really bad way.”
Later, the boxer said: “I was sobbing most nights. I didn’t want to go to sleep because I knew what I had to wake up to.
“You’ve got to remember this was a nightmare for me.
“How has this happened? How have I got in this situation? My faith let me down.
“I felt like I didn’t understand why this had happened when I’ve done nothing but work diligently hard. I was in a dark way.”
Benn returned adverse findings for clomifene in two samples ahead of his bout with Eubank.
According to the World Boxing Council, there is no conclusive evidence Conor intentionally took the banned substance, which can boost testosterone levels by 50 per cent.
But he is now awaiting the verdict of a separate investigation by BBBofC and the UK Anti-Doping Agency which will decide whether Benn will receive a ban from boxing.
Conor told Piers: “It’s been brutal. It does feel like a witch-hunt.
“I’ve never seen anything quite like this before in any other athlete, whether they’ve raised their hands to it or they’ve just taken a small ban.
“I was willing to fight and prove my innocence — although there was an easy way out at the beginning in lying and saying, ‘I may have accidentally done this, I may have done this by accident’ and taken a small six month ban.
“Instead I chose to fight this because my integrity mattered more to me.
“I would never ever, ever raise my hands to something I ain’t done.
“This is the first time I’ve been able to speak on this.”
I would never do this to my family. I would never do this to my supporters. Do you think I would do this to my dad?
Conor Benn
Conor refuses to believe there were any traces of the drug in his body and told Piers the test results could have been caused by “contamination” due to mistakes in the lab.
He said: “I’m not saying that anyone in their labs deliberately did this. I’m not saying that at all, but it may be an accident, it may be an error.
“Why are people saying I may have needed a testosterone boost? I’m 26 years old!
“I didn’t even know what this thing was at the time.
“I don’t accept it was in my body, not at all. Based on independent scientists looking at the reports, based on my own scientists looking at the reports and what we found.
“People say you may have paid for the best legal team. Damn right I paid for the best legal team, damn right I paid for the best scientists — my career is on the line.
“My image is on the line. My name is on the line and I can’t be known for this.”
Conor’s team of experts submitted a 270-page dossier, which he says clears his name, to the WBC.
Last month the WBC ruled that eating too many eggs could have produced the positive drug tests — but Conor has dismissed that theory.
He is not giving his legal team’s file to the BBBofC, which has filed seven misconduct charges against him and has the power to ban him from fighting in the UK.
‘My name is on the line. I can’t be known for this’
Conor said: “My dad tore up his British boxing licence on TV in the 80s.
“I don’t have to be licensed by the board. I don’t plan on fighting in Britain any time soon.”
And when Piers asked what was stopping him from handing over the dossier to the UK boxing authorities, the fighter said: “My pride, the way they have dealt with this.
Conor, who believes cheats in contact sports should be banned for life, said: “I want this to be finished and I want to resume with my career.”
He has has asked his promoter Eddie Hearn to find him the biggest fight possible.
The boxer would love to take on Chris Eubank Jnr next — but before he does that, that he has to clear his name.
As he told Piers: “I was born fighting, it’s in my blood.
“But this is the hardest fight I’ve ever had to face.”
- Watch Piers Morgan Uncensored weekdays on TalkTV at 8pm. Available on Sky 522, Sky Glass 508, Virgin Media 606, Freeview 237 and Freesat 217 as well as on DAB, Amazon Fire TV, Apple TV, Samsung TV Plus, YouTube, the Talk.TV website and TalkTV iOS and Android apps.
You're Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
- Movember, www.uk.movember.com
- Anxiety UK www.anxietyuk.org.uk, 03444 775 774 Monday-Friday 9.30am-10pm, Saturday/Sunday 10am-8pm