The real value of having end-of-life options
President Jimmy Carter’s last days in hospice are a profound reminder of the importance of comfort care at the end of life. Our ailing president’s decision to stop medical treatment and die at home in hospice was also my mother-in-law’s last wish.
Throughout her later years, Mrs. Genoveva de la Rosa always prayed and told us that when her time came, she wanted to die in her sleep.
Little did we know years later, she would develop an aggressive stomach cancer that would spread throughout her body in just a few weeks.
Three months have passed since the death of my suegra in our home in Southern California. After repeated hospitalizations, surgeries, numerous daily medications and a round of chemotherapy, my son’s only grandmother declined further medical treatment. Instead, she opted for hospice, or comfort care, just as President Carter did, so she could die as comfortably and peacefully as possible.
I will never forget that warm afternoon in late September 2022 when we went to the doctor for what we thought would be treatment for my mother-in-law’s gallstones. Our world came to a stop when we heard the doctor’s words: “The cancer is back and it is very aggressive.”
The oncologist provided two options: chemotherapy at age 87 or hospice care. Her children felt chemotherapy was the best option. It started three days later.
My mother-in-law’s screams echoed inside the clinic as nurses inserted a PICC line into her frail veins. Tears rolled down my cheeks as the chemo slowly entered her right arm.
“We have to stop,” a nurse said as my mother-in-law motioned as if she wanted to throw up.
“No,” my mother-in-law responded, “Keep going.”
After a week of severe nausea, body and stomach pain, Mrs. De la Rosa declined further medical treatment, just as her husband did nearly 20 years ago before his death from cancer.
Hospice
Once my mother-in-law decided to enroll in home hospice care, it meant she was declining futile curative, invasive and often painful treatment, such as chemotherapy, in exchange for morphine at home to ease her suffering and allow death to occur naturally.
In 10 states like California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, New Mexico, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont and Washington, as well as the District of Columbia, individuals with a terminal illness and a prognosis of six months or less to live, also have the option to request a doctor’s prescription for medication to peacefully end their suffering.
Saying goodbye
My heart breaks to recall my mother-in-law’s last rushed visit to the emergency room on Oct. 23.
“No more needles,” she told me. “God is calling me.”
Hours later, a team of nurses placed Mrs. De la Rosa on a gurney. There was no siren on the slow ambulance ride home.
One after one, her adult children and granddaughters arrived from Texas, Colorado and various parts of Mexico. Siblings, nieces and nephews called to tell my mother-in-law how much they loved her.
My husband’s mother went into a deep sleep on Oct. 26.
Something interesting happened the following day, when her only grandson walked into her bedroom. Alan Raul, was on orders from the United States Coast Guard to come home.
“I’m here, grandma,” my son said as he entered the room filled with his dad’s side of the family. “I love you.”
Within minutes, my mother-in-law’s blood pressure dropped and she took her last breath.
Patricia A. González-Portillo is a former journalist for The Brownsville Herald, The Riverside Press-Enterprise and La Opinión. Currently, she is the national senior Latino media director at Compassion & Choices, CompassionAndChoices.org.