At last, the Tories are in tune with the rest of Britain
THE Government has just done something it should have done ten years ago – and as a result, a kind of madness reigns on our airwaves.
Migrants who come here illegally will no longer be eligible to claim asylum.
Quite why that wasn’t made clear more than a decade ago is beyond me.
But, credit where it’s due, at least Rishi Sunak has done it now.
The illegal migrants will be sent back to their country of origin.
Or if that’s not possible, to a third country. I don’t see what’s wrong with any of that.
There are millions of people who want to come here.
Unless you believe we should let everybody in, then there has to be a fair system.
A system which prioritises those who are most vulnerable.
Women, children, the elderly, people in war zones.
In other words, not 28-year-old blokes from sunny Albania.
An estimated 80 per cent of those trying to cross the Channel in small boats are youngish men.
It is entirely unfair that people who go through the proper channels, rather than the English Channel, should be sent to the back of the queue.
The trade which brings those people here is despicable and must be stopped.
But good Lord, what a to-do in the media. Especially the BBC.
I’m not talking about Gary Lineker.
Nobody really cares what that spavined, overpaid crisp seller has to say about anything, unless it’s football. (And even not that much about football, frankly.)
I’m talking about the news programmes.
Full to the brim of people claiming the Government is being merciless and cruel and ghastly.
Crowded classrooms
The endless whining from charities.
These NGOs who send boats out to rescue the migrants are a big part of the problem.
The lawyers. People from the United Nations. Labour Party spokesgimps who, deceitfully, criticise Sunak but have no feasible plan of their own to address the problem.
All these people speaking up for the economic migrants (and the BBC journos making it quite clear where THEIR sympathies lie).
We don’t hear from the other side.
For an extreme example, who speaks for the little British girl who was raped by an Afghan asylum seeker?
An asylum seeker called Emal Kochai who right now is queuing up at Calais, trying to get back into the UK.
Who speaks for the ordinary people in Liverpool and Carlisle when suddenly a whole bunch of not terribly well-behaved young men are dumped on their doorsteps?
Who speaks for the long-suffering people of Kent, whose towns are full of these young men?
Who speaks for the locals waiting patiently for social housing and find themselves shoved further and further down the waiting list?
Who speaks for the kids in their crowded classrooms, now full of youngsters who speak little or no English.
More to the point, who speaks for the majority of the population of this country which wants controlled immigration, not a free-for-all on a first-come, first-served basis?
The answer, if you listen to the BBC — which has been appallingly biased on the issue — is nobody. You will not hear those voices on air.
It doesn’t happen often, but our Government has at last done something right.
For once it is in tune with the majority opinion in this country.
No matter how much whining you hear on your TV.
Friends, with no benefits
THE new range of Lego “Friends” includes figures afflicted by invisible ailments.
One of them, we are told, is ADHD. And another has “anxiety”.
I suppose I might well suffer from anxiety if I was stuck in a box all day.
But what is the point of this, other than corporate virtue signalling?
The purpose of these toys is for children to use their imaginations.
Not to have woke stereotypes imposed by hand-wringing Danes.
Not so artful todger
A PUBLIC INFORMATION NOTICE
IT has come to our attention that some people in the north of England have had their evenings out ruined by unwanted exposure to Kyle Walker’s todger.
If you are in a pub, hotel or supermarket and you see Kyle Walker’s old fella flapping around, please call the number below or text “Kyledong” to 44488 and a member of our team will attend within the hour with comforting cups of tea and a restraining order.
Please remember that Mr Walker is an international footballer with the IQ of a rhododendron bush.
Firing green fears
COMMITTED though I am to green energy, I am not sure I want my kitchen to be obliterated by a huge fireball.
This happened in Halifax where a bloke had left his e-bike to charge overnight.
Heard a few mysterious popping sounds, ventured downstairs and was engulfed in a massive explosion.
The culprit was faulty lithium batteries.
There are good reasons the airline companies don’t want these things on flights. They are dangerous.
Commenting on the disaster, a firefighter said: “Any other type of fire we deal with has usually developed slowly, and people are able to get out quickly.
“However, battery fires are so ferocious and spread so quickly that there isn’t as much time to escape.”
He added that stuff should never be left to charge unattended.
Meaning we just have to sit there and watch them for 12 hours.
Still, the polar bears will be happy.
Family a dud for me
I WATCHED a re-run of Who Do You Think You Are?, which featured the brilliant Judi Dench.
What an ancestry!
Turns out she’s related to a whole bunch of Danish nobles. Including the famous astronomer Tycho Brahe and a titled woman who effectively ran the castle in Elsinore, the setting for Hamlet.
It was fascinating. It always makes me wish I was on the show.
But I don’t think it would make very good TV.
I did my family tree some years ago and every single person on my dad’s side was a miner from Scotland or Durham called “John”.
On my mum’s side they were postmen or agricultural labourers called “John”.
Programme would last for about two minutes.
I SEE Hounslow council has been begging Sadiq Khan for exemption from the London Mayor’s exciting new “Ultra Low Emission Zone” for its own cars.
The 400 vehicles owned by the council would be clobbered by the new charges.
Ha. Suck it up, you pencil-necked dweebs. Now you know how the rest of us feel.
And see how you enjoy living in a city where only the very rich can drive a car.
Where is OBE?
HAS there ever been a more entitled family than the bloody Johnsons?
This is the thing I always found galling about Boris and the rest.
They believe they are better than us, by dint of birth.
Boris thought he was entitled to be Prime Minister – and look how that turned out.
Now he’s nominated his dad for a peerage.
Why? All Stanley Johnson has done is divest himself of dim-witted opinions on GB News.
Hell, I’ve done that, so I at least deserve an OBE.
TO celebrate International Women’s Day I spent yesterday cheering women in the street, and applauding them as they walked by.
And shouting, “Well done!”.
Later I stood on my doorstep banging pots and pans together whenever a woman walked by.
As a consequence I have been sectioned. All for trying to get into the spirit of things.
Sometimes it’s impossible to know what to do for the best.
I SEE that B*Witched have reformed.
I hadn’t been aware that they’d unformed.
Truth be told, I can’t remember them being formed in the first place.
Not a single song of theirs springs to mind.
Are they absolutely sure they’ve got the market with them on this?