Hubby is using his after-school club as cover for hook-ups with prostitutes
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner’s weekly after-school club is no more than a cover for his hook-ups with prostitutes.
He’s a sports teacher and six months ago announced he was starting a second club — he already ran a badminton one on a Thursday so I wasn’t exactly pleased.
But he insisted the kids at his secondary school needed as many opportunities as possible to learn about fitness.
I’m 37 and he is 42. We’ve been together since we were in our 20s and have a 12-year-old daughter and a ten-year-old son.
I’m devastated because this isn’t the first time my partner has paid for sex.
Seven years ago I discovered he had visited a prostitute for a couple of hours. I was heartbroken, but he promised it would never happen again, and I stupidly believed him.
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He presents himself as a good member of society, interested in education and people’s wellbeing, but behind the scenes there’s this seedy untrustworthy side to him.
Fast forward to six months ago and things began to feel amiss again.
He became more preoccupied with work, seemed increasingly detached and disinterested in sex.
I knew something was up so one night I did some snooping on his phone.
There were messages to unknown numbers about escort bookings, always on a Wednesday. My heart shattered. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me again.
When I confronted him, he begged forgiveness and swore on our kids’ lives it would never happen again.
I haven’t been able to look at him since without imagining his hands all over these women.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner’s betrayals have destroyed your faith in him.
If there is any chance for you to fix things, you must talk about what he feels he is missing in your relationship.
What caused him to stray? Could he perhaps be addicted to sex?
It is possible to rebuild your relationship but he will have to work very hard.
Make it clear to him that this is his last chance. You need to mean it too for your own chance of long-term happiness.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will show you where to go from here. You can work through your feelings with couples counselling.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1975, tavistockrelationships.org).