10 things we want to see at the Oscars

Every year, the lead-up to the Oscars seems more dramatic and contested than the year before. And finally, we're almost on the front porch of the 2023 Academy Awards.

While we can't predict everything that'll happen on the night (no one could have predicted last year's slap), we can examine who's nominated and scrutinise what's transpired during the rest of the awards season.

With 11 Oscar nominations, Everything Everywhere All At Once has absolutely dominated this year, cleaning up at the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, GALECA's Dorian Film Awards, and within our hearts, so there could be a fair few speeches from the EEAAO team. With nine nominations each, The Banshees of Inisherin and All Quiet on the Western Front could also have a strong night. First-time acting nominees dominated the nominations this year, so we could see some emotional wins.

Unfortunately, this year's Oscars has severely overlooked Black talent — something we hope to see addressed onstage this year. It's one of a list of things we'd like to see, in fact.

Here's what we'd like to see at the 95th Academy Awards.

1. No jokes about the slap

It's been a year since Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on the Oscars stage, and the cultural conversation surrounding it is long dead. Even the discourse in the immediate aftermath of the slap was exhausting and overwrought, eclipsing the actual winners of last year's Academy Awards. To bring it up again at this year's ceremony would just be reopening a stale can of worms. Besides, both men involved have already said their piece: Smith accepted his ban from the Academy, and Rock just discussed the incident in a stand-up special. Now can we all just let it go? — Belen Edwards, Entertainment Reporter

2. Jimmy Kimmel resisting the temptation to upstage award winners

Jimmy Kimmel is hosting the Oscars this year, and if the late night show host could hold off any disrespectful, self-serving bits onstage as award winners are having their moment, that'd be swell. Kimmel was widely criticized for ruining Quinta Brunson's winning moment at last year's Emmys, when she won Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series for her work on Abbott Elementary's pilot episode. As Brunson accepted her award, Kimmel was dragged onstage by comedian Will Arnett and remained lying at Brunson's feet during her whole acceptance speech. Kimmel apologised to Brunson on his own show, and hopefully the host has learned that stealing someone's moment and making it all about you ain't funny at all. — Shannon Connellan, UK Editor

3. Someone calling out the Black women shutout

Remember when Janelle Monae slipped an #OscarsSoWhite reference into her opening number? Or when Natalie Portman archly called out the 2018 Golden Globes' "all male nominees" for Best Director — live from the stage as a presenter? Even 2003 host Steve Martin gently mocked the narrow strictures and double standards around age, body type, and sexual orientation for bona-fide Movie Stars. But this year, as well as Jordan Peele's epic Nope, a number of films led and directed by Black women were showered with critical praise but received zero Oscar nominations — from Gina Princewood-Bythe's The Woman King, which should have been Oscar bait top to bottom, to wrenching reflections on motherhood, race, and violence Till and Saint Omer. Someone the Academy does give the spotlight to should certainly note exactly who it ignored. — Caitlin Welsh, Australia Editor

4. The show running on time

Every year, I hope the Oscars will run a three-hour show, and every year, I am disappointed.

Hosting bits and performances bloat the ceremony to the point of madness, when all I really want to do is see who gets to take home the gold. However, there's one great thing about the Oscars running over: We can all complain about it together. — B.E.

5. Angela Bassett saying "I did the thing" if she wins

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever star Angela Bassett is up for Best Supporting Actress, and if she wins it'll be Marvel's first ever acting Oscar. Having won the Golden Globe for her impeccable performance as Queen Ramonda, she's up against Kerry Condon, who won the BAFTA for The Banshees of Inisherin, Jamie Lee Curtis, who won the SAG for Everything Everywhere All at Once, fellow EEAAO star Stephanie Hsu, and The Whale's Hong Chau. But if Bassett wins, we'll cross our fingers for an acceptance speech that includes a nod to Ariana DeBose's now infamous BAFTAs rap. — S.C.

6. "Naatu Naatu" dominating the Oscars stage

The performances of the nominees for Best Original Song are often hit-or-miss, but this year's Oscars have a chance of delivering a truly iconic number thanks to RRR's smash "Naatu Naatu." The infectious Telugu-language song, composed by M. M. Keeravani and with lyrics by Chandrabose, accompanies a spirited dance-off between RRR's leads (Ram Charan and N.T. Rama Rao Jr.) and a crowd of British colonizers. "Naatu Naatu" will be performed live at the Oscars by its original singers Rahul Sipliganj and Kaala Bhairava, who will be joined by L.A.-based dancers. Seeing "Naatu Naatu"s hook step and suspender choreography on the Oscars stage is a surefire way to get the audience out of their seats — and to go down in history as one of the best Original Song performances yet. — B.E.

7. Tiny little googly eyes on all the statues

It's an easy win, Oscars. Popping a few googly eyes from Everything Everywhere All At Once on the coveted gold statue heads would just rule, thanks. — S.C.

8. Rihanna one-upping her Super Bowl performance

Yes, she's going to be there, and she'll be performing her nominated song from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, "Lift Me Up". It will be its first live performance — there was no room for the track in her hit-stuffed Super Bowl appearance, where she commanded the Smash Bros style stage without complicated dance moves or stunts. Only Ms Fenty knows whether that was a purely artistic choice or if her range of motion was limited by the pregnancy she announced on the night, but it sent a message either way: all she needs is a mic. Rihanna might shine in a stripped-back performance a la Lady Gaga, but it's also possible the Academy will pull out all the stops and stage an epic performance that will double as a tribute to the late Panther himself, Chadwick Boseman. Lord knows they need a do-over on that one. — C.W.

9. Every award brought onstage by a donkey

In a trend we didn't see coming, donkeys have hee-hawed their way to the centre of this year's award season. From Martin McDonagh's The Banshees of Inisherin to Ruben Östlund's Triangle of Sadness and Jerzy Skolimowski's EO, donkeys have, as Mashable's Belen Edwards writes, signalled moments of unforgettable tragedy on our screens:

"With their soulful eyes and ambling demeanor, donkeys become the perfect gentle figures for McDonagh, Östlund, and Skolimowski to place at the center of their films' chaos and pain — and not just because they're adorable."

So, why not give our mellow, hoofed, equine friends a moment of unbridled victory after all this dramatised woe? I humbly request each Academy Award be brought onstage by a donkey during this year's ceremony, and a cornucopia of top-tier carrots, apples, and turnips to be included on the backstage rider. — S.C.

10. Whoever presents Best Animated Short to giggle reading out "My Year of Dicks"

Riz Ahmed and Allison Williams had to stifle smirks naming these shorts at the announcement ceremony, and let's be real here: it's a great title. I'm looking at the presenter list right now and, in order, my predictions for who's likely to be presenting this award AND a good chance to break: Hugh Grant, Samuel L. Jackson, Melissa McCarthy. End of list. — C.W.

Honorable mention/suggestion: Cate Blanchett conducting the Oscars orchestra

Tár star Cate Blanchett is up for Best Actress for her performance as Lydia Tár, lauded principal conductor of a major German orchestra, who is accused of sexual abuse. Blanchett is nominated alongside Michelle Yeoh for Everything Everywhere All At Once, Michelle Williams for The Fabelmans, Ana de Armas for Blonde, and Andrea Riseborough for To Leslie. Would it be appropriate for her to conduct the Oscars orchestra? Unsure. But you know Blanchett would never play anyone off. — S.C.

The 95th Academy Awards is happening March 12 at 8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT. Here's how to watch the Oscars and here's all the nominees.