Good For You, Mom, But It’s Not Like You Were Using It Before: Mom Has Banned Foie Gras In Her Kitchen

Foie gras, a delicacy produced by force-feeding ducks and geese so that their livers swell to several times their natural size, has long been banned in several countries and U.S. states, and a new ban on the food item has recently taken effect, though we do have to say that this one seems pretty goddamned inconsequential: Mom has banned foie gras in her kitchen.

That’s very noble, Mom, but you’ve never cooked foie gras in your life. You haven’t even eaten it.

After stumbling upon a recent article in her Facebook feed about foie gras producers in New York state, Mom was so appalled by the practice that she issued a formal household ban, stating that “absolutely NO meat made from force-fed animals” will ever cross the threshold of her kitchen—which frankly should not be an issue, since the only meat products anyone has ever seen come into that space are chicken breast and the occasional 95% lean hamburger meat. Mom was deeply affected when she learned that foie gras birds are kept in painfully tight conditions and cruelly force-fed for the duration of their lives, and she has stated repeatedly that she has “no idea why someone would want to do that,” which tracks given that she has no clue what foie gras tastes like or why it is considered a delicacy, and has possibly never even met anyone who has consumed foie gras in her lifetime. Plus, they don’t even sell it at Aldi or Kroger, which are the only two grocery stores Mom has ever gone to.

Mom has been walking around all day perusing the foie gras article she read, saying “it’s so wrong,” and “I’m sickened that I didn’t ban this earlier.” Which is impressively high-minded of her, but again, there has pretty much been a de-facto ban on foie gras in Mom’s house since 1995, which was around when she started cooking lemon chicken and a plain house salad for every single dinner of the week. Mom seems to think that the stand she’s making may have a major impact on the foie gras debate, and is now even pressuring her Facebook friends to join her in her anti-foie gras crusade. But clearly her efforts won’t make any more of a difference than if she were to, say, vow to never order a drone strike on innocent civilians abroad—it’s a nice thought, but also not something we were ever worried she would take part in.

While we’re glad Mom is taking an interest in animal welfare, there are definitely better ways she could live out her convictions than putting a household prohibition on a food that’s never once entered her household. Whatever, though. Maybe we should just let her have this one.