I had a baby at 58, now I’m 64 & doing the school run – I’m so glad I waited, it’s made me a better mum
A MUM who welcomed her first baby at the age of 58 has revealed that she is glad she waited until she was older.
Carolyne Ness, now 64, paid £4,500 to adopt an embryo in India back in 2017 after struggling with her fertility throughout her adult life.
The mum-of-one, who lives in New South Wales, Australia, insists that she isn’t selfish for having a baby later in life and claims that actually it has made her a better mum.
While Carolyne, who welcomed her son Javed, now 5, in November, 2017, has no regrets about her decision she admits it would never have been her first choice.
Speaking exclusively to Fabulous, qualified counsellor Carolyne says: “Having a baby just shy of my 60th would never have been my first choice when I was younger.
“I never wanted to be a single mother, that was like my worst nightmare but it got to the stage where it was now or never and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t try.
“I would have missed out on something that’s brought me so much happiness.
“Having Javed is a wonderful gift and I’m extremely lucky.”
Carolyne’s journey towards parenthood began 30 years before she explored embryo adoption, having longed for a child throughout her adult life.
“I had been married when I was younger but I struggled getting pregnant,” she says.
“In my 30s I discovered that I had fertility issues but by the time we got round to thinking about doing IVF our relationship had really broken down and we just didn’t want to bring a child into that.
“After I divorced my husband, Mr. Right never came along, I had a few relationships, but none that I felt were suitable really, to be a father.”
Carolyne, who was born in Australia but grew up in Fife, Scotland, says that she considered adoption but after she discovered she could be waiting years for a younger child, even overseas she gave up the search.
Shortly before her 58th birthday, Carolyne came across embryo adoption, the process where a frozen embryo is adopted rather than the baby once it’s born.
The embryo is selected by the person wishing to adopt it and implanted into a womb using the same technique as IVF giving Carolyne the option to experience pregnancy and childbirth herself.
Having a baby just shy of my 60th would never have been my first choice when I was younger
Carolyne Ness
But with the age limit for embryo adoption being 55 in Australia, Carolyne had to look further afield to India where the age limit is 58.
So she made the 6,000 mile journey to New Delhi in the hope of finally becoming a mum, using the egg of a 21-year-old Indian woman and the sperm from an American donor.
But Carolyne aimed to treat the trip as a holiday so as not to build her hopes up.
She explains: “I’d always wanted to go to India because I wanted to see the Taj Mahal.
“I got the treatment done just before my 58th birthday so I was at the very upper limit.
“They transferred three embryos, something that tends to be avoided in Australia to prevent multiple births, which gave me that extra chance to get pregnant.
“I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much so I did some travelling, I went to the Golden Triangle, to Agra, to Jaipur and New Delhi.
“I just thought, well, I’ve tried my best and if it’s meant to be, it will happen.
“I was meant to wait a certain amount of time to test but I had loads with me and I couldn’t help myself.
“They were all coming back positive and when I got back to Australia I was overjoyed when my blood tests confirmed my pregnancy.”
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In November 2017, Carolyne had a planned caesarean as, due to her age, her pregnancy was considered high risk.
But her son Javed was born a healthy baby.
Despite her huge effort to get pregnant, Carolyne says that becoming a single parent was the most challenging part of her experience.
“Being a single mum can be a real struggle as you don’t have anyone to fall back on in the same way,” she says.
“I don’t have family here. I’ve got friends but Australia is such a huge place that they don’t really live near me.
“I don’t often get a break but I think I manage pretty well.”
Javed is now five-years-old and like other mums, Carolyne is tasked with doing the school run, but she says her son hasn’t noticed her age.
“He hasn’t noticed me being older, all he says is that he wants a dad,” she laughs.
“I think other mums obviously notice.
“Some of Javed’s friends have grandmothers who are around the same age as me but I just make myself known as his mum.
“I have nothing to be ashamed of after all.”
Some of Javed’s friends have grandmothers who are around the same age as me
Carolyne Ness
While critics might be quick to brand Carolyne ‘selfish’ for choosing to have Javed so late in life she argues it has actually been the best decision for both of them.
“I’ve got far more patience now than I might have had when I was younger,” she says.
“You develop maturity and I think without that I might have struggled a lot more as a younger mum.
“When I was younger, I was more selfish and I wouldn’t have liked to give up my social life, whereas now I don’t mind because I don’t have one!
“It also meant I got to travel the world and see amazing things that a lot of younger mums have to give up earlier.”
Carolyne says she doesn’t believe a woman in her 50s is too old to have children.
“I don’t think it’s too late when you’re in your 50s,” she says.
“I’m so glad I went ahead with the pregnancy as Javed has completely changed my life.
“I can’t imagine missing out on this incredible life I have to share, and I have at least a good 20 years left in me to do so.
“It was the best decision I ever made.”