Beverage of the Week: Liquid Death's got more stupid names and some pretty good tea

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

Liquid Death is officially a thing. A water brand that took a simple concept — cans and aggression — and turned it into a business worth, at last estimation, $700 million.

It’s also a very stupid thing. In order to stand out from a sea of pamplemousses and seltzers that taste like nothing (La Croix. It’s always La Croix), founder Mike Cessario gave his water “the dumbest name.” His quote. Yeah, the dude gets it. He also probably thinks it’s less dumb now because, well, $700 million.

This, of course, has created an opportunity for brand extensions. The company that gave us flavors like “Berry it Alive” (… uh), “Severed Lime” (not a thing) and “Mango Chainsaw” (extremely not a thing) is now back with “Grim Leafer” and (biiiiig sigh) … “Armless Palmer.”

Yep, Liquid Death is making iced tea now.

The new sweetened teas clock in at 30 calories and 30 milligrams of caffeine across three flavors — the two mentioned above as well as a peach tea called … “Rest in Peach” (fine whatever it’s better than most of these stupid names). They also carry the brand’s beer-inspired packaging forward. Instead of 16-ounce pounders these come in 19.2-ounce stovepipe cans that have been a trend in macrobreweries trying to look like microbreweries over the past decade.