Dear Abby: My husband said I’m insanely jealous to object to his ‘political discourse’ with this woman
DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband and our female friend of 18 months have been texting each other.
According to my husband, it’s about politics. He and I don’t share the same political views, and he says he has nobody to talk to about politics. I don’t understand why he doesn’t talk about politics with his male friends.
I find it suspicious that neither my husband nor this “friend” ever mentioned they were communicating with each other. I think he is going outside our marriage seeking validation from another woman. When I said it, he called me crazy, immature and insanely jealous. I’m not.
I think he’s endangering our marriage, because things can start innocently and he’s seeking something I can’t give him.
He knew my political affiliation before we married. Our marriage barely survived the last presidential election. Now this. Can I have some advice, please?
UNEASY IN FLORIDA
DEAR UNEASY: You’re not crazy, immature or jealous. You are a wife who is worried that her marriage is in jeopardy.
If the three of you socialize together and the subject of politics comes up, engage with them diplomatically without allowing the conversation to degenerate into an argument. And suggest to your husband privately that since the texts are “only political” in nature, you would like to be able to look at them occasionally.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I separated two months after our wedding. Our divorce was final five months ago.
After I left him, I started talking to a younger guy I had a lot in common with. However, he has a gambling problem and ended up stealing money from my cash app.
He eventually paid me back and has done everything in his power to get me to trust him again.
We are both very attracted to each other. After he repaid the money, he told me he was in a very dark place and felt horrible about doing it.
He says he loves me, and even though I tried fighting it, I love him too. But there are issues — the trust, the gambling and the age gap. I’m 15 years older. He’s still very young, and I know when I was his age, I wanted different things than I want now. I’m worried he’ll lose interest in me because we are at different points in our lives.
We aren’t exactly labeled a couple but we act like we are. No one but very close friends of mine knows about our situation. Should I cut ties before my heart gets broken?
TENTATIVE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR TENTATIVE: The age difference may not be a deal-breaker, but the fact that he stole from you should be.
How is he dealing with his gambling addiction? Is he still gambling? Has he joined a support group such as Gamblers Anonymous to help him cope with it?
Because you divorced after only two months of marriage — and now this — there may be something wrong with your “manpicker.” Before you make any more big decisions about men, I suggest that you talk to a psychologist about why you seem to be rushing in and out of relationships.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.